Unintended
by V8der
Summary: You've been attending the same school since 9th grade but you've never paid any attention to her... Until now... LiLey
1. Chapter 1

Just your normal average teenaged love story...

XXXX

The school year has started and the rest of the week seems bleak. Instantly thoughts drift back to the summer vacation. The trip hadn't been too eventful but it was fun traversing the Golden Gate Bridge. You made it almost halfway through before your father decided it was time to head back. The breeze certainly proved stronger there than here.

The water was a darker shade of blue beneath the massive metal structure. Here the water on the beach is lighter and doesn't seem as threatening. Here it isn't so cold. Alas thoughts drift back to the cause of this state of dreariness.

San Fran would have been more enjoyable if it weren't for your media hungry father. After countless interviews where reporters asked him about his family his publicist decided it was time to show the public that even though he toured he was still particularly close to his family hence the sudden necessity for a family outing. The fact that school's started doesn't help.

It's not so much the learning that's bothersome as it is the repetitiveness of things. Being such a curious individual learning is something stimulating except when it comes to math because that's always been a weak point. It's despicable, the fact that classes are written out in a schedule that has to be followed through, and the lack of choice over classes is equally detestable. But more importantly what's particularly bothersome is that there's no control over who is going to be in them.

You'll admit to being a shallow individual. Eye candy in class is needed and so far there's no one interesting in any class.

It's hard to believe that since there are a fair amount of lookers in school though that's probably for the better since distractions can't be afforded. Drama isn't something particularly wanted at this moment.

Enough of that is received at home and occasionally from friends. A girlfriend will only do more harm than good. A relationship isn't advisable at this particular moment so the first instinct is to resist certain urges. Not many teens can control their raging hormones after all. But being an individual who follows her own accord makes it a little easier.

Well that's not entirely true. Not having a girlfriend doesn't mean there's lack of action. You're a big flirt. Ask any of the attractive girls at school. The display of coquettish aspects to the fairer sex is quite common.

You're not a whore though. You don't drift from one girl to another as if changing underwear. Messing around is done but it's nothing serious and the other party knows this. They're just curious and right now you're more than satisfied being the object that satiates their curiosity. After all, you're used to being used.

"Hey Miley." Oliver, your friend, greets rather enthusiastically.

"Hey Ollie." it's lunch time and the short interlude is welcomed.

"What's up?" he asks. His face contorts with curiosity and interest as he does. "School's only started for about four hours and already you look like someone killed your cat." he then smirks knowingly. "No eye candy."

"It's not that." he raises his brow because he doesn't believe.

"Then what's up?" he's humoring you.

It's amazing, how people think you're the biggest horn dog in the school and possibly in entire state. Maybe he really just wants to hear about your newest conquest but not being the type to kiss and tell, all details of the affairs are kept secret.

He should know better than that and he should also know by now your problems are never discussed. Still that doesn't stop him from asking every time he sees you troubled face which isn't all that often since you're incredibly gifted with hiding cheerless dispositions. The art of hiding pain behind a bright smile is usually easy but you aren't perfect and sometimes the mask is forgone.

Oliver's curiosity can certainly be unnerving. Your head shakes because he's prodding on a topic that he knows should never ever be discussed, especially not on the first day of senior year.

"Hey guys." you're thankful for the interruption Joannie brings because knowing Oliver he'll want to pry.

She gives you a friendly hug and then goes for him. It isn't a surprise that she lingers making the hug last longer with him. She doesn't like him however she's confessed she does find him appealing. There are a few familiar faces behind her and a smile forms as the rest of your friends join in.

You're all sitting on the bench now discussing school and their teachers. Joining the conversation with your façade ready the table suddenly erupts in laughter.

"What? She looks like she's about to burst." you say. "At first I was wondering if she really was pregnant or just incredibly fat. You've seen her." a particular history teacher is being discussed and of course you're not trying to be an asshole. It comes naturally. But people find that offensive mouth hilarious because the truth no one wants to hear is often stated in a comedic manner.

"Lilly!" Joannie hollers her voice ringing throughout the cafeteria.

"Louder Jo I don't think they heard you in Canada." the sarcastic muttering is ignored as your ear is rubbed with your index finger in attempt to shake out the ringing.

"Hey guys." Lilly saunters over to the table and sits next to you.

Because they're talking to her it can be discerned who her acquaintances are and you realize the school isn't that big because she's talking to Rachel and Marissa. The commonality in friends is something that's escaped your knowledge.

"Lilly." the greeting is made. "How's it going?" the question is asked in order to start a conversation. She smiles as she starts talking about her classes. A fair amount of interest is being displayed and everyone figures this isn't the first time you two have shared dialogue. They aren't wrong.

"You guys know each other?" Joannie asks in utter shock and a nod is given. Lilly was in your P.E. class in freshman year. You aren't really friends but have acknowledged each other's existence by waving in passing.

"The school's not that big Jo." chuckling at your brunette friend lets her know it isn't your intent to be offensive.

"We had P.E. in 9th grade." the blonde informs with a small smile and they nod as they absorb this newest bit of information they received. Lilly then continues her story about school and you're listening, offering a comment once in a while and sometimes she laughs. Being comedic comes naturally for you.

"Oh," is said, effectively catching Lilly's attention. "This is Sarah and that's Oliver." she's introduced to the people she doesn't know after you see Oliver's eyes urging for an introduction. "Meet Lilly." she smiles at them and gives them a small wave.

Lunch ends and you're on your way to class. The school day finishes and the realization about how uneventful it's been can't be denied. It isn't a surprise to find Oliver leaning against your locker. A small nod of acknowledgement is thrown his way and from the unease and anticipation in his eyes you can tell he wants to talk about something.

"So…" he starts and your eyes roll at his pathetic attempt to start a conversation.

"Rachel or Marissa?" the game hasn't been played in a while. Figuring this is the perfect opportunity to find out if your instincts are still sharp the question is asked.

"Marissa." he replies automatically. "You?" he asks.

"Rachel." after the necessary items needed for the day's homework assignments are placed in the bag the locker is shut. "Joannie or Sarah?" you're working toward the goal line.

"Joannie." he replies after mulling it over and now you're doing the same.

This is actually a hard question. Sarah has that girl next door thing to her that's absolutely endearing whilst Joannie has that athletic kick-ass thing going for her and it isn't an easy decision because they're both attractive in different ways.

"Both." your mind can't choose and Oliver laughs.

"You can only pick one." he reminds though he shouldn't have to because you're the one who introduced the 'Who would you rather' game to him in the first place.

"Sarah." the scale should be balanced.

Passing through the hall the set of familiar jet black hair isn't missed. The owner of the flowing locks pauses as she meets your stare. No one else notices this momentary pause in her movement apart from the person paying especially close attention to her; you.

Regaining her senses she looks away and continues to walk as if nothing had transpired. After following her lead you don't stare after her form as she disappears into the halls, opting to wonder if she's thinking about the past as you did on those rare occasions her dark colored tresses were seen. This was a turn of events that could never have been predicted.

"She's pretty cute." Oliver says after following your line of vision. "New meat." he states.

He's oblivious to the past you shared with this girl so he doesn't know that she's first friend when you made after moving from Tennessee to Malibu. That was years ago. Now you aren't 7th graders in middle school but seniors in high school. Time certainly passes rather swiftly.

"Her name's Ashley." Sarah informs since she too has no knowledge of the prior. "You guys heading home?" she asks and Oliver nods his head. "Want to meet up at the beach later maybe?" she asks and immediately receives a nod since there isn't much to do on the afternoon after the first day of school.

"Sarah or Lilly?" you try focusing on trivial topics.

"Lilly." he answers rather predictable.

"Joanie or Lilly?" the question is asked before he can turn the tables.

"Lilly." Oliver certainly is obvious.

"What about you?" he inquires.

The walk toward his car is rather lengthy since he is parked rather far from the entrance. It's a consequence for arriving at school close to the tardy bell. Sometimes it seems as though the doughnut can't do anything right.

"Lilly all around." the reply is given after sliding into the vehicle. He smirks in agreement because he likes your taste in women.

The reasoning for picking Lilly isn't as shallow as Oliver's for this isn't based solely on her looks. True you would pick Lilly over Joannie and Sarah because she's prettier than the two girls but also she would be the most likely choice because you remember from P.E. class she's as athletic as Joannie and as accommodating as Sarah.

"Ashley or Lilly?" he asks and the car walls suddenly feel like they've collapsed on your lungs.

Her name is a reminder of the past and you've never been one to look back and think about what could have happened if things were done differently. It's a pointless task. Nothing can be improved by dwelling on something that's passed so it's an activity that you've avoided vehemently.

"Ashley." the past, the memories, and the guilt compel you to answer her name without thought. Oliver's clueless as to why.

"I pick Lilly." he answers as he starts the car and begins to back it up before driving out of the school parking lot. He really is predictable.

"I knew you would." the amused reply is given as the rock song booms from the speakers. Opting to focus on Oliver and his apparent crush on the girl you met in the 9th grade all thoughts are pushed back into the recesses of your mind.

"Am I that obvious?" he asks as he grips the steering wheel. There's an awkward smile on his face. You chuckle heartedly.

"Nah," and he really wouldn't have been if he weren't dealing with someone so observant. "I'm just really good at reading people." the indisputable fact is given and he nods in agreement.

"Do you think," he starts but you interrupt.

"I don't know her that well." the foreseeable question is answered. Oliver was just about to ask whether Lilly would go out with him or not. Frankly you aren't certain.

"She seems really cool though." the helmet haired boy observes.

The pointless conversations and laughs you shared with the unfamiliar blonde prompt the bobbing of your head. True the girl's a stranger but you're convinced by the awareness of character you've developed over the years that she's a decent person. So far Miley senses haven't tingled around Lilly.

XXXX

This is the first time I'm writing in second person. It's kind of difficult. So what do you think so far?


	2. Chapter 2

Ah... another update.

XXXX

"Hey did you know Ashley goes to school with us now?" Joannie asks as she lays her beach towel close.

"Ashley who?" you're pretending not to know who she's talking about while attempting to tan. It's rather pointless since this skin doesn't seem tof absorb sun light. The alabaster complexion remains unchanging.

"Ashley DeWitt." she repeats and a look of confusion is feigned. "We went to middle school with her."

That may have been the case but she, like Oliver, doesn't know about what happened with Ashley. Attending the same junior high didn't guarantee awareness of events that happened in school.

Of course being the only lesbian in middle school guaranteed that stories would be spread like wildfire. But because friendship with the athletic brunette didn't start until the 10th grade there's a chance she's oblivious to what happened back then. Of course it wouldn't be a surprise if she knew the whole story. It wasn't a very big school and there weren't that many students. But then if she knew something she would have said.

That's why details aren't being surrendered. Her eyes narrow as ignorance is feigned. She's watching like a hawk now observing for any indication of discomfort or anxious movement. The sunglasses are pushed back from the tip of your nose while acting bored with the conversation.

"What?" the question is asked out of for formality rather than curiosity.

"I was in her Spanish class in 8th grade." she starts.

The meaning behind her words is clear but the bait isn't enough. She has to divulge what she knows first. The reason for the refusal to disclose any information aside from the need for privacy is the love for keepings things in the past. Discussing the past in detail will allow others to see how affected you are.

The degree of care will be ascertained because everything is remembered and it can't merely be chalked up to the possession of a damn good memory.

"You started taking Spanish in the 8th grade?" the purpose of the question isn't merely to segue the conversation so it will focus on her, you're also trying to determine if she's crazy or not. Who takes their studies seriously in middle school? Everyone knows colleges only look at transcripts from 9th grade and beyond.

"She used to talk about you all the time." she states. The first attempt at dodging the bullet failed.

"Oh." the statement is surprising. Briefly you wonder what it is Ashley could have told Joannie before determining it couldn't have been too informational seeing as the brunette's still fishing for details.

Whatever Ashley had to say now would be different. The things that would spur from her mouth now would probably be far from positive. Either that or she would deny any connection. She'd pretend to be ignorant of the past. Either way she can't be blamed for doing any of these things.

"Didn't you two have a thing?" she asks losing her patience. She never really should have tried the roundabout approach to begin with.

"So I talked to Jake." the second attempt to effectively change the subject. Knowing her weakness makes distracting her simple. Her brown eyes immediately light up at the mention of Jake. This should have been the first attempt instead of teasing her about useless classes.

"Yeah?" she asks almost dreamily and the subject that was Ashley is instantly forgotten.

She has been trailing after him since they were introduced at the football game last year. Joannie won't stop asking about him ever since then. She can't be blamed because Jake has a certain power over girls and the effect of his sparkling white teeth have over the female teenage populace are undeniable.

He's like the male version of you because of the intense amount of flirting with the female populace. Of course his approach when it comes to alluring girls is different. He is bold and forward. Not wishing to be the topic of intrigue and idle gossip you've developed a more subtle approach over the years. When it comes down to it though, the faint approach is more effective. This was proven a year ago by a girl from his school's swim team.

"Yeah I think we're hanging out on Friday." Joannie is informed. The rest of the merry crew arrives from the water with the evidence that they were swimming clear on their soaked bodies. "Are you guys free Friday?" after nodding their heads plans to go to the movies on Friday are made.

Not being a morning person a half hour shower is always required before that fully functioning sociable self emerges. You're driving to school today since Oliver's got an errand to run for his mother.

A familiar patch of blonde hair is seen as the locker door shuts close. Lilly is outside engrossed in her studies it seemed. She's certainly studious but that's just one of her many attributes. After gathering necessities for class you glance at your watch and see that class won't begin for a while.

There's no one else at school. Refusing to be alone with these absurd thoughts you head outside to find Lilly preoccupied with her work. Uncertain strides are taken toward the blonde.

"What are you up to?" the empty space next to her is occupied by your rear end.

"Just doing my homework." she replies, momentarily tearing herself away from her studies to make brief eye contact. "I forgot my book so I had to come here early." she informs. The presence of another is absolutely not conducive to her focus.

"Oh do you want me to leave?" the concern is voiced.

Not wanting to get off on the wrong foot for Oliver's sake, you volunteer to make a hasty escape. If she thinks you're a nuisance it'll reflect badly upon him. The unexpected meeting here is a sign that perhaps the cupid outfit should be dawned on if only just this once to catapult the boy's nonexistent game.

Normally you're opposed to setting people up but perhaps it's time to make an exception. Meddling in other people's love lives isn't a hobby. Wanting people to learn from their mistakes you rarely offer advice on affairs of the heart.

Experience has taught you that when people are in love they are rarely rational so they don't follow the advice of others. Also originality is something which one should be proud of. People should try to find their own way in life and not rely on help from their family or friends. But Oliver's never had a girlfriend and it's the senior year. He should at least secure a date for prom.

"No." she answers. "Stay." the hand on your arm restrains any movement.

"You sure?" Lilly's merely being polite so a last chance is given to refuse company.

"Yeah." she takes her hand off the appendage and closes her book.

Lilly blonde pushes it to the side while flashing a kind but awkward smile. A grin forms on your face after discovering another thing about the blonde. She's uneasy when she's around new people. The fact she's giving you a chance is flattering.

P.E with Lilly was never spent alone since you both had a circle of mutual friends who served as ice breakers. Also there was the fact that the class was often ditched. Never having actually spoken in a one on one capacity since it's never just been the two of you explains the awkwardness that's clear in her movement.

"I didn't realize you know Marissa, Rachel, and Joannie." she relaxes a bit. She finds comfort in talking about familiar friends. This is the common ground shared and the selected topic proves to be a terrific opener.

"I've known Marissa since elementary and we met Rachel around middle school." she informs. There are a lot of things unknown about the aforementioned two because you barely met them at the end of last year and haven't had the opportunity to sit down and talk. "Joannie and I had Spanish together last year."

"I see."

What was it with Joannie and her Spanish classes? There isn't even a two degree separated to anyone thanks to Joannie and her damned Spanish classes.

"I used to hate her." she continues and annoyance dwindles as it is replaced by amusement. Her bright blue eyes widen upon realizing what she has just said. "I mean we both hated each other." her brows furrow in frustration and because she is expressing herself poorly. She seems to easily fluster and that's entertaining because you enjoy watching people squirm. "I mean we didn't like each other so much when we met." she explains. It's obvious she's satisfied with her reply because she's stopped babbling and she looks more at ease.

"Why?" you don't know her that well but the blonde hardly seems like she could ever dislike anyone. She seems to be the kind of girl who believes the best in others like Sarah does.

"We both used to like the same boy." she replies. Her blue eyes twinkled as she recalled the past.

While looking into those bright blue depths the revelation that they bear a striking resemblance to another pair hits like a ton of bricks. The pain in your chest resurfaces. Suddenly it's a bit difficult to breathe.

Knowing the movement will be misunderstood you don't look away since she'll think the behavior is rude. The only option is to focus on another part of her body and her nose is out of the question because that's just weird. Her cheeks and forehead are also not plausible choices because she'll think there's something on her face.

There are two options. Both guaranteed the fact she'd think you're a pervert by the end of the day. Your mind decides to forgo oral fixation. Gray depths are glued to the area of her chest.

Gray eyes are looking at the upper region of her torso and not her mounds. That may be a little hard for others to believe because she's wearing a low cut shirt and her bra can be seen through your peripherals. This isn't the best area to stare at so you turn and face ahead slowly pretending to be seeing something interesting.

"Who was it?" a small smirk forms out of intrigue. Joannie's a bit competitive and from the very little you remember in P.E. Lilly was too. If the boy in question is discovered the victor will be too.

"Gabe Lammatti." she reveals and laughter fills the air. "Yeah we felt like idiots after that."

"You should." she seems taken by the boldness of the statement. It can't be helped seeing as you always speak the truth no one wants to hear. "You guys were getting catty over a gay guy!" this is exclaimed through the chuckling. "Did you not know?" she shakes her head. "Either you were that smitten or you're really just clueless."

"I tend to have my blonde moments." she admits. She's not offended by the fact she's basically been called an idiot. It's apparent she's not perturbed by your honesty. She's just shocked by it.

"We may have to work on your 'gaydar'." the humorous offer is made.

"We definitely need to." Lilly agrees. "That way I'll be able to determine if I turn guys gay after I date them or if they were gay to begin with." she informs with a small grin.

"What do you mean?"

"My mom believes I turn guys gay after we date." she reveals.

"Is that true?" the question effectively fuels the conversation.

She's loosened up and so far talking with her has proved to be quite interesting. Not many girls make claims about having the ability to turn heterosexual boys into homosexuals. It's easier to do something like this to a girl since females are more inclined to hook up with the same sex. They don't to display have certain macho bravado. Lilly's a little uncomfortable but a flustered Lilly is quite adorable.

"I don't really know." she furrows her brows in deep thought. "When I think about it yes." she reveals chuckling as she does. "I think I repel boys and have the power to change their sexuality." she ridicules herself and you realize she does this a lot.

"Really?"

"Yeah." she nods. "I went out with this guy on one date but it didn't work out." the obvious is stated.

"Who decided it wasn't working out?"

"I did."

"You found out he was gay after one date." the statement is made in disbelief and she shakes her head chuckling slightly.

"We went out and we did the whole movie and dinner thing but I didn't think we were really meshing well." Lilly explains and your head bobs in understanding.

"There weren't any sparks." this is stated with a sense of familiarity.

"Nope." her lips pop as she speaks.

"Because he's gay." the inference is made and she shakes her head.

"I just couldn't really picture myself with him." she explains and the knowledge that some people just don't click together is indubitable. "Anyway we stayed friends." she continues. "About two months after we decided to stay friends he told me he switched teams."

"Maybe he was just using you as a beard." the statement is made and she looks utterly confounded.

"Beard?" she repeats questioningly. "What's that?"

"A cover." the explanation does little to enlighten the situation since she's looking for further elucidation. "Sometimes gay people date the opposite sex to hide the fact that they're part of the rainbow. The person they're using to disguise their sexuality with is called a beard." it's a bit hard to believe she doesn't know what you are talking about. She really wasn't lying about being a bit naïve. She really does have her blonde moments.

"Oh." Lilly nods in understanding. "You learn something new every day." her lips widen as she smiled appreciatively.

"I wonder if your abilities will work on the already homosexual." the idea is certainly interesting. She's confused. "If you dated someone gay would they turn straight." the ridiculous thought is explained and laughter erupts once more. "I mean if you can take a straight guy and turn him can you take a gay girl and make her straight?" the question is asked.

"I don't know." she shakes her head laughing. "We might have to try." and it's a shock because her retaliation is unexpected.

"I may take you up on that one day." the joke is made and the laughter continues. She's straight and she's not really your type and that's why the idea seems so funny. Besides no matter what allure she may have there's no turning and swaying to be had since you've been gay since puberty hit.

She begins to tell another instance where a boy she dated came out to her only this time was different because he was the one who called it off. Lilly reveals she actually liked this other boy. Knowing what it's like to be jilted, you sympathize.

The belief that certain similarities are shared arises. While she can turn straight men you hold the power to sway the female populace to see the beauty of lesbianism. You smirk upon this new and amusing thought. This theory of hers should be tested in order to determine if this is truth or just pure coincidence.

Escape from certain tormenting thoughts isn't the only reason why you're in the company of this attractive blonde. There's a part that's considering to set her up with Oliver.

Normally things should be left alone. You're a firm believer in not meddling in the lives of others. However this time you're doubling back. Her recent revelations ascertain that setting them up will be a mistake. You have nothing against gay guys since they are part of the brotherhood or sisterhood, it's all relatively unclear.

Alright so it isn't really the whole turning thing. Karma can be a bitch and messing with Lilly and Oliver may blow up in your face. It's better to leave things alone.

Besides Lilly seems like a really nice person. Her company is quite enjoyable and you want to hang out with her more. This should be the only reason. There shouldn't be an ulterior motive as to why a friendship should be desired. You've learned the hard way that starting relationships based on ill intentions always have disastrous outcomes. Victimizing another human being is an activity you never want to partake in again.

"Stupid donut." a text from the aforementioned boy has just been received.

"What happened?" Lilly inquires.

"Ollie says he forgot his math homework." you mutter.

"I guess we're all still adjusting from break." she says, sympathizing with him.

"Oh no." you say. He doesn't deserve Lilly's sympathy. "He didn't really forget. He's just saying that because he wants to copy off mine." he isn't forgetful. He's just lazy and she smiles. He really didn't forget. He just didn't do it. This happens more often than it should. You only hope that he'll remember not to copy it exactly.

"You guys must be really close." she's seen you around school together a lot. "Is he, like your best friend?"

"No." your head shakes. "I don't have a best friend." the clarification is needed. Lilly is taken by the displayed honesty. "We're just really good friends." the explanation is given and she nods in understanding.

A few minutes later the donut shows up. He greets by jerking his eyebrows in your direction. He sees Lilly and throws a smile her way and she gives a small uneasy wave in return. It's a reminder of the fact that the blonde feels weird around new company. Your homework is turned over to the helmet haired boy.

He takes it and shoves it into his backpack whilst he's looking at you and Lilly. His eyes linger expectedly on the blonde. But she doesn't notice because she's busy taking her phone out of her pocket. She checks a text message and replies before turning her attention back to you.

"We should hang out sometime." you offer and her eyes point toward your direction before her head nods.

She proceeds to give you her number and since the helmet haired boy is there she asks for his too. You don't know whether she does this out of politeness or because maybe she feels the same as he does and since prying isn't an option the chips will fall where they may.

The bell rings signaling the start of a new school day. The three of you part ways as Oliver drags you toward his class. Not really caring if you're late because it's the first week of school, this type of action is allowed. Teachers are also readjusting to their schedules. They aren't so strict about showing up tardy. Before entering class a buzzing emits from your pocket.

A smile erupts from your face after reading the text from the phone. Lilly's telling you she had a great time this morning and she wishes you a great day.

XXXX

Hey, so it's kind of a slow build up... but how is it looking so far?


	3. Chapter 3

Really slow build up...

XXXX

"You're here early again." you take the empty spot next to her.

"My mom drops me off before she heads to work." she informs. "If I want to get to school on time by walking I have to wake up around the same time and if I take the bus I'd have to worry about crowd control so I figure this beats walking and public transportation." she must live pretty far from school.

"Where do you live?"

"By Walker Elementary school." she says and the place is familiar. The place is familiar because Marissa lives near that school. She's close to the border of the district. That makes sense because they went to elementary school together. Lilly lives all the way on the other side of town.

"Do you drive?" the small talk continues and she nods her head.

"Yeah but I don't have a car." her brows furrow while she thinks. "Why are you here so early?" she asks suddenly. The blonde's seen the Mustang around. Come to think of it you've been seeing each other a lot more than the previous school years.

"I woke up early." this is said with a shrug. The truth is you don't want to be at that house.

"You look like you've barely slept though." she notes very observantly. The bags under those gray depths and the fatigued look on your face are very telling. "Are you okay?" Lilly asks gently.

"I'll be fine." the assuring reply is given. You always are. You have to be.

Not wanting to be reminded of the past, her stare isn't met. There's that and the possibility she'll be able to see through the lie. Usually you're an astounding actress but vulnerability has a way of dampening one's skills. Maybe the sleep deprivation is also playing a role here. Or perhaps the breaking point is finally being reached.

The vibrating phone is fished out of your pocket. The message is read and it's not a surprise that Jake's texting again and his behavior causes unavoidable aggravation.

"What's wrong?" briefly you wonder whether this should be discussed with Lilly.

"You know Holly?" she shakes her head but her interest is piqued. She doesn't know her and she barely knows you. Then again an outsider's perspective is needed. She's impartial.

Impartiality is needed in order for someone's opinions to be undoubted. Biases often get in the way of people's opinions. Telling common friends what's going on will cause a divide. They'll pick sides and that will only lead to the escalation of the issue. They'll make matters worse. Besides, it isn't fair for them to be judging who the shittier friend is when they all have their imperfections.

They've all been asking why you and Holly aren't on speaking terms. The truth that she hasn't been very talkative is told but details as to why aren't shared.

"Go on." she urges curiously.

"Well you may have seen me and her with each other since she goes here." months ago you two were pretty inseparable. Holly was always at an arm's length. Lilly shakes her head again.

"She's your ex?" the blonde interrupts and gray depths roll. Not because of the interruption but because of her misguided assumption.

"Contrary to what others believe we were just friends." it's bothersome how everyone thought there was something more than friendship going on. It's aggravating that people automatically jump to the conclusion that you're romantically involved with an attractive girl just because she's appealing and you're constanstly in each other's presence.

"I'm sorry." she realizes something offensive has been said.

"No it's fine." the assurance is given after realizing how easily flustered Lilly gets. "I just don't like it when people think me hanging with a girl means that I like her." sympathy is written all over her features.

Those beautiful bright blue eyes are haunting. She probably thinks you're ticked but it doesn't matter because the emotion those depths evoke are far from positive. The guilt resurfaces when contact is made with those bright blues. Why couldn't she have green eyes instead of blue? God certainly has a sense of humor.

It's strange that the source of guilt is strangely also the source of comfort. Is this your comeuppance? It seems the past was just unwilling to be forgotten and left behind.

"I don't. It was just from what you were saying it seemed like you were going to say that." she explains rather tensely.

"Don't worry." a reassuring smile is offered. "I'm not pissed." the blonde looks disbelievingly. "It's just a lot of people take it the wrong way when they see me with a pretty girl." the explanation puts her at ease. "Hell I won't be surprised if people start talking about us hanging out right now." this truth may make her rethink these morning meetings.

"That's alright." she assures. "I don't mind." it's amazing how believable she is.

"Of course you won't." the things which spew from that mouth can't be helped. "I'm kind of a catch." the shameless declaration is made and she's smiling. The comment earns a playful slap on your arm. It's an attempt to reprimand that gargantuan ego. "It's the truth." she tilts her head to the side.

"Would you mind if people thought we are dating?" she asks and the question is nothing short of surprising.

"No." she seems to be a little skeptical. "You're cute." flattery would be the emotion evoked if rumors spring because Lilly's got a solid reputation, besides her company proves to be refreshing and amusing.

Other people can be boring but so far Lilly isn't and the way she's easily flustered will keep things interesting. Things flow easily. Conversing with one another is natural since there's no need to fish for a tedious topic. You wonder if she feels the same. People have always mentioned they're rather fond of talking to you because of your candid and open-minded nature. Apparently being in the presence of someone who speaks their mind is rather invigorating.

They like hearing what you have to say because they know restraint has never been a strong point. The irony is that the feeling definitely isn't mutual.

Sure discussions about how class is boring or a girl from that one music video is hot are shared but other than that the conversations lack a certain substance. It's hard to communicate emotions to others because of your tendency to bottle things inside. Aside from the comments made no one really knows what's going on because you're very fond of your privacy. It's rather strange to find comfort in talking about anything with Lilly.

"So what happened with Holly?" she's steering the conversation back on track. Lilly's really paying attention. She's probable intent on finding out how defective you are.

"Well I guess you could say she was one of my other close friends. Before me and Ollie got really tight it used to always be me and Hol. Ollie and I barely met last year." the explanation begins. "She started going out with this guy and I guess she's like in love with him or some shit. Anyway every time she had problems with him which was more frequent than she wanted to admit she called me up." you reveal. "I remember one time she called," instances are recalled all too easily being that there were quite a few of them. "She asked me where I was and I told her I was hanging out with some friends. I didn't hang up on her because she started crying about how stupid she was being. The guy she was seeing told her he really wasn't looking for a relationship and she was feeling like shit because she was starting to want one. She cried on the phone for like two hours and I listened to her the entire time. I locked myself in my friend's bathroom so I could give her my full attention." the sacrifice is emphasized.

"And then?"

"I just told her off one day because she was bitching about him again and about how she was sick of asking for advice." you're usually more patient but the problem was reoccurring and easily solvable if Holly would just listen. "I reminded her that she never listened to anyone. She never followed anyone's advice because she did whatever she wanted. That was the last conversation we had." the blonde nods urging for continuance. "I wasn't trying to be a bitch. I was just telling the truth." you state. "She's always has dilemma with guys because she always picks guys who treat her like shit." for a girl as attractive as her she really has the worst taste in men. "We aren't little kids anymore and I know she's smarter than that so I can't figure out why she keeps putting her hand on the stove when she knows the fire's on." she smiles, finding the turn of phrase amusing.

"Some girls are just attracted to bad boys." she states. Most friends do like guys who treat them like shit. It's surprising that people could possess such low self esteem. They should learn their lesson. You did.

"I just wanted her to grow up."

The lesson wasn't given because you didn't want to help. A true friend could never tire of helping her solve her problems. But being given the same problem to solve got a bit tedious. The solution was simple and if she had taken your advice she wouldn't be in the same mess she's always in.

"Was she the one texting you?"Lilly asks and receives a shake of the head.

"My friend Jake who's had a pup tent for her since he saw her is the one texting me. He was all surprised that Holly and I haven't been communicating and he's trying to act as our bridge." in Lilly's opinion he's trying to mend the situation. "Yeah I'd be grateful if he wasn't acting like this whole thing is my fault and he hadn't been hiding the fact that they'd been talking behind my back." you vehemently list his shortcomings. "He's making me feel like I'm the one at fault."

"How?" inquires the blonde.

"Well he keeps asking me if I'm okay with taking her out on her birthday. He started going on about how he doesn't want to force me to do something I don't want to." it sounds so incredibly ridiculous. "He knows me. I don't take shit from anyone."

"Well maybe he's thinking if you wanted to talk to Hol than you should have called her." she supplies but she's wrong.

"No. They know I'm not one to call." she looks confused. "I hate it when people call me when they're bored. It's like they call me and they expect me to entertain them." the disdain is rather obvious. "I'm not some performing monkey ready at their disposal." she laughs at the terminology. "I've always been a firm believer in treating others the way I want to be treated."

"You don't call or text people?" Lilly asks.

"I do if I'm like planning to hang out or something." the explanation is given. "I don't want to bug people. I never contact people at random. Only when I'm planning a get together." annoying someone is something you never wish to be accused of doing. "If you want to talk to me then you have to reach out to me." the system is explained and the explanation garners an intrigued look from Lilly. No doubt she thinks the method strange.

"But then what if the person feels like you haven't been calling because you don't want to talk to them?" this question was anticipated.

"I explain my system to all my friends." it's the simple truth. You've never been one to initiate contact and they should understand these methods by now.

"That's some system." the disapproval in her tone is clear but she doesn't want to engage in a debate. No further comments are made regarding this matter. She wishes to continue to hear about your troubles with Jake and Holly. Her curiosity is obvious and certainly unexpected. "Anyway, you were saying?" she pulls the conversation back on track.

"Well every time I see him I ask if he's been talking to Hol and he gives me this bull about how he can't talk to her when I'm not around because she's one of those friends by association type of shit." her nods head in understanding.

"You're feeling betrayed." she's more perceptive than she seems.

"Not only that. I don't think I can trust him because now I'm wondering what exactly he's been talking to her about. I mean I've been his friend since the 7th grade and if he can lie to my face about not talking to her than what else can he lie to me about? More importantly I wonder if he's been in contact with her all this time then why didn't he reach out to me sooner?" as expected the rhetorical question receives no response. "I wouldn't be surprised if he's been feeding her bullshit so that she won't reach out to me. It's the perfect opportunity to be her knight and shining armor." expecting the worst out of people is a trade specialty. "Sorry."

"For what?" she inquires.

"For dumping all that on you." you've opened up to Lilly and it's rather unsettling. "I'm usually not like this." you aren't one to complain and act emotional. "I don't really like talking to people about my problems but I figure you don't know me well enough to care and spread shit." perhaps the fact that she's a stranger makes it easy to talk. She doesn't care enough to spread rumors. Then again, she isn't the first stranger you've ever encountered during times of emotional crisis so really there's no answer as to why Lilly's been allowed to know more about you than even Oliver does. "I know I seem like I'm never fazed because I always have a smile on my face but believe me when I say I have a very distrustful nature."

"Sometimes the most troubled are the ones you least expect." she smiles brightly. The comforting gesture is returned. It's amazing how compassionate Lilly is. "You're a really good friend." she compliments.

"I know." are the words that fly out of your mouth. "I want nothing more than a friend like myself." her disbelieving look is quite adorable. At first she thinks it's a joke. Upon realizing it's just another truth shamelessly exclaimed shock consumes her face. She's unaccustomed to that trademark bluntness. She isn't used to these antics. "Sorry but I'm not the humble type." Lilly's figuring that out. "I'll admit I'm a little conceited but only on areas I have a right to be proud about." she stares incredulously. "I know my good qualities." that's a bit of an understatement. "But I also know my faults." the belief is clear in those bright blues.

"That doesn't sound narcissistic at all." she teases. All she can do besides that is take your word.

"Before you learn to love others you must first learn to love yourself." she laughs. Not because she finds the proverb silly but because the meaning behind the words hold such truth. So true that she can't help but condone your conceited behavior. "Tell me something about you now." the spotlight should be shining on someone else.

"What do you want to know?" Lilly asks.

"I don't know." everything. "Just anything." anything to shed the light onto another.

Her brows furrow as she concentrates on finding a topic that will capture your interest. She looks utterly oblivious for a few seconds. She's searching the back of her mind for a topic and from the look of triumph on her face it's clear that she's found it.

XXXX

Don't expect grand gestures any time soon. I kind of want to make their relationship blossom realistically...


	4. Chapter 4

Rating has gone up for language...

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That damned internal clock of yours seems to be set to wake just before the crack of dawn. Apparently your body's still used to farm life despite the fact that you've been enjoying the urban life for about six years.

Staying on the bed with gray blue depths shut won't help because you've never been one to fall asleep after waking. Your body seems to think this is akin to taking a nap and dozing off has never been an option, even in class. So you lay in bed for ten minutes staring at the ceiling all too aware of the fact that someone has to prepare breakfast.

The white spackled walls invite unwanted thoughts. At first the thoughts are random but that changed when particular thoughts begin to roam that already perturbed psyche.

You immediately rise before becoming muddled with unwanted thoughts. After descending from the stairs the kitchen is quickly entered. The fridge is opened and its contents are looked through. After deciding what to make the ingredients to fix breakfast are gathered. Eating cereal for two weeks in a row can't be all that healthy.

The chocolate chipped pancakes taste spectacular. A glass of chocolate milk accompanies the masterpiece. Chocolate is human's greatest invention and bacon is another blessing. The succulent delicacy is certainly flavorful.

Bright blue depths immediately look up from the book and gaze upon the intruder who's taken the empty seat next to her. The question whether or not your presence is bothersome to her, isn't asked because it won't matter as long as you just sit there and not talk.

Lilly smiles, a comfortable smile, unlike her previous ones where the anxiety was clear on her features. She's getting used to these morning meetings. She's warming up to your blunt and sometimes tactless nature. Maybe she even looks forward to these meetings seeing as you're here with her almost every day since school started and she has yet to pick a new area to study around.

"How did it go last night?" she stays starting the conversation this time. It's always been you who attempts conversation.

The dramatic meeting with Holly last night, as per Jake's insistence, never happened. He had been texting since last week repetitively questioning whether or not you still wanted to celebrate her birthday. All nuisances were endured simply because you wished to see Holly and celebrate her 17th birthday.

It's funny. Though you attend the same school there hasn't been much interaction or talking since that day she stopped calling. She doesn't hang around the cafeteria. Maybe she doesn't want to trespass on your territory.

That's a surprise considering how insatiable stomach her stomach is and how she would practically eat you of a house and home. Holly loves food but doesn't enter the cafeteria because she's really going out of her way to avoid you yet it's strangely gratifying that she's respectful of your space. She probably remembers you were the one who started bringing here in the first place. Or she just really wants to avoid having to face her demons.

Stubbornness and pride won't allow you to reach out first besides, her company isn't needed. You're accustomed to losing touch with people in your life.

The truth is you've adjusted to her not being around and that's one of the other reasons why Jake's behavior is aggravating. Not only was he meddling but he was prying at old wounds. He constantly reminded you about how good the friendship was to the point where it was impossible to deny that you miss her anymore and that's enraging. What happened in the past should stay there. It's so difficult to forget when he keeps shoving memories into your head.

He says that she misses your company. She misses the random conversations about sex and bowel movements. The memories make you smile. She was the only one who didn't grimace during these extensive talks.

She would sleep over and spend the night watching all kinds of movies. She wasn't particularly picky and went with the flow. It wasn't a romantic connection. Sure there was a time when you wouldn't have minded if she wanted to satiate her bicuriosity but that boat sailed when she became a close friend.

When someone becomes close the walls come up in full force. Barriers are erected. They compel the seclusion of certain aspects of your life. Survival mode prevents anyone from getting too close.

It took a few relationships before you discovered this rather disturbing truth. Being a rather shallow individual, a girl captures your interests with her looks and then after getting to know her, interest is lost in at least one area. It's either emotionally or sexually. You either aren't able to stomach the idea of fucking her any longer because she's more ideal to converse with or you can't stand to hear her talk because her mouth and vocal chords aren't appealing unless she's moaning in pleasure.

Having the interest span of a fruit fly makes it impossible to have a serious relationship. You're defective. You're damaged goods. There are so many things wrong with you, it's impossible to begin the list.

"It didn't." the blonde is informed.

"What happened?" she frowns slightly.

"She cancelled."

"Did she know you were coming with?" chestnut colored locks sway along with the head their attached to.

"Jake said I was a surprise." a shrug is given. Maybe he let the cat out of the bag. "Then again maybe he changed his mind and didn't want me coming with." this is highly plausible. "After she cancelled he said he was still down to hang with me but then he followed after her lead."

"What was his excuse?"

"He said his stomach was hurting really badly so he needed to go to the hospital." glancing into those bright blue depths for a second occasionally helps build up immunity. After doing so, gray depths look at her chest region. This girl doesn't seem to run out of low cut shirts that expose her skin and the color of her bra isn't a mystery today.

Her eyes are windows to her thoughts. Right when blue met gray you knew what she believed. She thinks it's all too big of a coincidence. Who know the two of you could think so alike?

"So what did you end up doing last night?" the inquiry is made politely as to not so intrusive.

"Hung out with Sarah." the noncommittal reply was given. It was a school night. There aren't a lot of things to do that would guarantee being asleep by midnight when it isn't a weekend. "What about you?" you wonder and she smiles shyly.

"Homework." she's definitely straight laced.

"How's your love life treating you?" the question is blurted.

This isn't being done for Oliver's sake though. It's asked out of curiosity. Sure she claimed to have the power to turn boys but she was talking about her past. The present warrants focus too.

Based on the information gathered from conversations shared, you've concluded that she's the studious type, she's a little uptight but it's not so terrible because she's still fun to be around. She likes to make fun of herself and that's something very admirable because it means awareness of her faults. Though most of the jokes she cracks are made at her expense and that's unsettling.

"I'm not dating anyone right now." the bashful admission is given.

"You're taking a sabbatical on turning guys gay?" you can't help teasing her on the matter. She shakes her head as she laughs. It's quite contagious and you join immediately.

"I'm focusing on school right now." is Lilly's reason is for not dating.

"What happened?" being exceptionally skilled at analyzing the behavior of others lets you know she's not being completely honest. "With you and the guy or girl?" you're 99% sure she's straight but the girl has proved to be a rather surprising conundrum. She's displaying telltale signs of broken heart syndrome. Lilly's surprised that you're able to see so easily.

"Well I met him at a summer job I had a couple years ago." she says as her fingers nervously fumble with the edge of her paper. The corner of the thin white sheet is being rolled between her index finger and thumb. Slowly the paper rotated.

"You don't have to say anything." the reminder is given.

While curiosity with a touch of concern compel you to know the story it wouldn't be fair to be so intrusive on her privacy. Exerting forcefulness in matters of the heart is imprudent, almost inhumane.

"No." she says. "I want to." the declaration brings forth a realization of another commonality shared. She has trust issues. It's quite understandable to be so wary. Past experiences attributed to your guarded nature but what contributed to hers? "I met this guy a couple of years ago." she starts. "He was a coworker of mine at my first summer job and well he'd been asking me out but I always said no." you listen attentively, hanging onto every word. "After like a year he was still asking me out and I got fed up with him so I caved and decided to give him a chance because I figured he wasn't going to stop and I had to give him points for being persistent." a soft laugh is given but those bright blues sparkle in condemnation rather than amusement. "I guess he grew on me and I started liking him." Lilly recalls.

"And then?"

"We broke up and he got back together with his ex." sympathy flows through your veins and no more questions are asked. Though from the look on her face its evident there's more to the story. She must have really liked this guy and pain often accompanies memories of the past. "How about you?" it's your turn to be on the hot seat. "Are you seeing anyone?" lips turn upward as your head shakes side to side.

"No." it's been a while. "I'm not really into anyone right now." you answer honestly. "What do you like?" Lilly is utterly confused. "In a boy." as usual the explanation isn't clear enough. "Do you have a type?" it can't be more precise.

"No." her head tilts whilst she thinks deeply. "I don't think so." is her final answer. "Do you?"

"I like people who have vaginas." the vulgar remark earns a playful shove from the blonde. "I usually I like who I like." you've gone from cheerleaders to the athletic water polo player to the rocking lead singer. Your lips turn as your mind recalls all the girls you think are attractive trying to see a distinction. "But if I had to categorize myself I think I'm more partial to brunettes with pale skin."

Her brow quirks upward as she smirks impishly and that's a look you never thought would be seen on that delicate face. What mischief could possibly lay behind those sparkling white teeth?

"Do they have to have gray eyes and a captivating raspy voice accompanied by a thick Southern accent?" she inquires.

Her teasing does not go unnoticed. She's confirming certain narcissistic tendencies you possess and the question is answered by a mirthful chuckle as you concede momentarily.

"You think my voice is captivating?" this conversation has to be fueled.

"Yeah." she involuntarily placed herself into the line of fire. "You've got that whole phone sex operator thing going for you." Lilly teases and her playful side certainly can be entertaining. You like seeing her come out of her shell. "It's really hot. I can understand why you're such a commodity." she says.

"Here I thought people liked me for my wonderful personality." the witty repartee continues.

"Well you've got that going for you too." Lilly assures with an assuring smile. "I can understand why guys and girls are lined up waiting for a chance to sweep you off your feet." she comments. "I'm tempted too." this type of joke coming from her mouth is completely shocking.

"What's stopping you?" you're playing along.

"The narcissism is kind of a turn off." laughter erupts in the open field. She's teasing again and after quickly working out a negation a grin forms from your mouth.

"You know…" you lean close to her face and stare into those bright blue depths utterly grateful your mind is more focused with exceeding the blonde rather than thinking about the past. "You can't expect anyone to want to fuck you if you don't want to fuck yourself." this declaration is made as bluntly and erotically as possible. That southern drawl turned hoarse and thick but that's all part of the act. It's your turn to smirk this time because she's flustered.

"I never thought narcissism could be so reasonable." she mutters with an awkward smile. Your original position on the bench is reclaimed.

Laughter dies down and it's clear she's riled up because of your demeanor. Your wording has a role in her current state. Lilly isn't the type to curse so freely. She's prim and proper. Just when you thought girls like her existed anymore. Not in this day and age. But that's wrong. There's a demure and decorous girl sitting not a foot away from you.

XXXX

The sex will come up much later...


	5. Chapter 5

Another update...

XXXX

Jake isn't lying about the reason why he cancelled. He had a gallstone. You aren't guilty about thinking he was fibbing because well, anger's still the ruling emotion coursing through those veins. Still, a friendly visit might mend things.

His sister opens the door and pulls you inside with a small hug. The stairs are traversed as the passage is made over to his room. The bed is the most comfortable place to sit at so you plop down on the mattress. His painful groaning is accompanied with the sound of something splashing into the toilet bowl. It stops but is then replaced by the sound of water spewing from something more pressurized. Thankfully he's washing his hands.

You stare at the bathroom door expecting him to show at any second. He opens the door and the surprise is clear on his face. You two were texting each other yesterday but a visit was never mentioned. From the grin on his face it's clear he doesn't mind the intrusion.

"Hey grandpa." he's walking at a turtle's pace.

"I haven't seen you in forever." Jake's smiling painfully but it isn't your fault. He has his arms stretched out and that isn't a surprise because he's always been the physical type. Your head shakes before your hands reach out to his hips. He's just shown evidence that he is in fact a natural blonde and you pull his pants up higher. That was something that didn't need to be seen. His hug is met carefully so that his staples will not be aggravated.

"Let me see the battle wounds." the embrace is over quick since you're not really the touchy feely type, hugging is more Jake's forte.

He flashes his most charming smile as he lifts up his shirt slowly. The first thing he gestures to his defined six pack and your eyes roll because he should know by now shit like this do little to affect girls who love other girls. Then your eyes trail over to his stomach toward the patch. He carefully picks at it and shows the incision. There are about six staples on the wound.

"You think someone would believe me if I said I was stabbed?" he asks jokingly.

"Yes." the tone is accompanied by humor. "You could definitely pass for the next Fifty Cent." the sarcasm drips from that southern drawl. You help him to his bed then sit on the computer chair. Whilst pedaling your feet wheeling the chair closer to Jake a knock on the door interrupts the friendly banter. His mom's coming into the room carrying some sandwiches. "Hey Mrs. Ryan."

"Hello Miley." she says as she hands the plate filled food over. "Long time no see." the older woman comments with a soft smile.

"What can I say?" a smug shrug is given. "I'm a really busy girl." she knows it's a joke. Laughter erupts before she's walking toward the exit and leaving you and her son alone.

"Man I'm hungry." Jake says whilst he's looking at the prepared plate. There's a reason why you've got chips and he doesn't.

"What can and can't you eat?" you ask whilst happily taking a bite off the sandwich. He lifts his plate with one hand and his meal with the other. He takes a hefty portion from the chow with his mouth.

"No fried or fatty foods." he replies as he's chewing. Of course there are limitations.

The rest of the meal is eaten in silence. After eating you gather his plate and head down stairs. The kitchen is empty as you help yourself to two cups from the cupboard and fill them with water before heading up with the containers in hand.

"I'm real sorry I bailed." he apologizes as he takes the cup of water.

"It's all right." you placate him. "You're excused for bailing on me this time." one of the reasons why the idea of hanging with Jake is rather disconcerting is because he's unreliable. He says he's free but then at the last minute he backs out with some lame excuse. That's why it's always convenient to have a backup plan for when he asks you to hang.

He decides to watch a few movies. His collection is perused and he gets the ultimate pick. The first movie from his selection ends and you're popping in the second one. Before either of you know it, hours have passed.

"Have you talked to Holly yet?" he asks and the question is rewarded with a shake of your head.

"We're still on the same boat we're in." the information is given while your rear end reclaims its original seat and he's frowning. He's so pressed to have that friendly reunion. "You two have been talking though." he confirms with a hesitant nod.

"We text." it's apparent that his crush has grown for Holly has grown considerably.

"Must be some text messages." the observation is stated. "Is that why you didn't tell me you two have been talking?" you can't his excuse his behavior because it happened before he got sick.

"I did tell you." the lies never stop.

"No you didn't." he's forgotten about that ironclad memory. "I asked you if you guys have been talking. You said no because of that bullshit you gave me about her being your friend through association." he knows you're quoting him word for word. He's looking a bit fazed because he knows lying is something that can never be tolerated. He's trying to think of an excuse but escape won't be so easily had. "Then you give me all this shit about not wanting to see her on her birthday." you press. "Has she been telling you that I'm the bad guy?" he shakes his head vigorously.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything." the apology seems sincere enough. "I didn't want you to get mad."

"As opposed to how I am now?" cold gray depths glare his way and he's squirming. In all the years he's known you he's only seen that look of pure aggravation a couple times. It's such a drastic change from the usually blithe attitude that he's freaked. "You know I really fucking hate it when people lie." the reminder is given and all that's left to do is to stare at the television screen.

As far as you're concerned the topics closed. Everything's out in the open since he's aware of the level of discomfort and aggravation he's caused. That's enough.

"I like her." he says as if this is some new revelation.

"Oh really?" that southern accent is dripping with sarcasm. His feelings for Holly have been rather obvious but this is the first time he's admitted it. "You were hoping to be the big hero." his motives are so clear. "She's missing me and you figure you could earn brownie points if you brought us back together." you have a talent for wading through the bullshit.

He wasn't trying to reconcile the friendship for Holly's benefit or yours for that matter. It was for his. It's amazingly pathetic, how people get when they like someone, how they go out of their way to please the one they're interested in.

"I just wanted to get the gang back together." is his weak reasoning. "Maybe you should call her."

"What?" you look at him as though he's lost his mind. "She's the one who stopped calling." she's supposed to make the first move since she's the one who fucked up.

"She thinks you're angry with her." he divulges.

"I'm not angry." it's clear from the look on his face that he doesn't believe. Despite the length of time spent with each other, you're reminded that he doesn't understand you at all. He doesn't know how that impassive mind works. "I'm disappointed with her." there's a difference between disappointment and fury.

It feels like you've been dumped. Even though there wasn't sexual intimacy there was a slight emotional connection. She doesn't know much about you but some issues have been discussed. You kind of opened up a bit, allowing her as much access into that sordid world as those barriers could without collapsing. She is practically like a sister since you're closer to her than your own brother and she always claims to love talking with you because the most random stupid things can be discussed so offhandedly. She broke that bond when she walked away.

There was no drifting apart that occurred. It wasn't a normal parting. It was unlike how people disconnect when they grow up. She left you behind, hence the disappointment. She left you behind because you didn't like her scumbag boy toy.

She was asked once, what she would do if her boyfriend didn't like her hanging around someone who was fond of the same sex. She replied that she'd dump him because you're the clear choice. She recognized the fact that you're her friend and you've been there for her when no one else was. Clearly it was all bullshit but there was a part of you, the same part that was hurt when she left, that hoped she was telling the truth.

The whole she's afraid to talk reach out because she fears your fury is bullshit too. If she wanted to talk she could have. She's seen that enraged state of yours.

Very rarely the instances where you'd reach that breaking point were reached. An overwhelming sense of lividness would be reached. No one was safe from your fury. One particular week you were been bitching and biting off people's heads the whole day and everyone was afraid to approach except for Holly who gathered her courage and reminded that she was there if you needed someone to listen.

Despite her fears she reached out. The point is she wanted to talk. She wanted to help and that's why she pushed her apprehension aside. She is the only one who has reached out to you during a temperamental mood.

You're better off without her company. This was the mantra played in that sordid head the first month all conversations ceased. To avoid temptation to resolve whatever issues you had, these unwanted thoughts are shoved aside. Forced clear so you wouldn't think about the fun times had. Enraptured with a sense of annoyance right now as Jake continues to make you remember things desperately desired to be forgotten.

Gray depths face the screen but you're not paying particular attention to the moving picture. Thoughts are swimming and they can't be easily pushed aside. It doesn't help that you've seen the movie before and know what's going to happen.

There's no distraction to be had. It's quite pathetic because if anyone heard these thoughts they'd think you were in love with Holly. There's only concern. There's sisterly affection and nothing more. You treat her better than your brother. Maybe you're not in love with her but that doesn't change the fact that she's missed. The movie ends with thoughts of Holly consuming your mind.

"Call her." he says as the credits are rolling.

While that memory is ironclad the same cannot be said for your resolve. Nostalgia has a compellingly tight grip and soon you're reaching into your pocket and pulling out that phone. He's smirking rather smugly and you almost put the device back in those denim jeans. He thinks he's won. Maybe he has. Maybe you both have.

You do want to see her again. It can't be an awkward meeting. Hosting a little kick back maybe just what's needed to break the ice. It's not really a party because there won't be any alcoholic beverages served.

The contacts list is scrolled and the invited are placed on the send list. Your first text to Holly in a year will be impersonal. This isn't being deliberately set up just so a friendship can possibly be mended. You've been planning on hosting a back to school soiree. The only change is in the usual guest list because now there are more people to invite.

There's a pause when Lilly's name brightens the tiny screen. Hesitantly her name is pressed and she's automatically placed on the send list. After finishing through the contact list, the invitations are sent via text message.

The only task to be done is to wait for their response.

XXXX

It really isn't about reviews but it is about getting plenty of readers. Maybe I just need to write a better summary to get others to read... Or perhaps it's the slow pace of things that discourage people to continue reading...

Anyway, what do you think so far?


	6. Chapter 6

And here we go...

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Oliver's the first to show. He's strolling through the living room and planting his butt on the couch before flipping through the channels with the remote. He certainly feels at home.

Finding nothing interesting to watch on the television he suggests playing video games as an alternative to boredom. It's your duty as a good hostess to comply. The rest of the people invited start showing. Even some of the ones that didn't reply to the message are present. Now you're in the living room watching everyone play guitar hero. They're all having fun so far.

You wonder if Lilly was going to make an unexpected but welcome appearance. She didn't reply to the text. Perhaps the hesitance about the invite is receiving karma.

It's confusing. You like hanging out with her yet this tentative feeling about asking her to come over arose. Reservations are felt because only a few conversations have been shared. As meaningful and entertaining as these talks with her have been the fact is you don't know her that well and maybe that's the reason for the apprehension. There's an ongoing debate on whether or not she's trustworthy and also there's the matter of her thoughts regarding your character.

What Lilly and her impression of you are shouldn't be of importance. It usually doesn't matter what others say. Like everything else this is brushed off. If she shows up then that's good and if she doesn't well there are other guests to tend to.

Thoughts about the blonde are instantly forgotten after the front door is opened. Holly's there, standing in front of your doorstep. It really shouldn't be a surprise since she did say she was going to show. But annoyance arises instantly because after seeing her all the crap she's putting you through is remembered. The most recent one involving Jake is the most aggravating so far.

After texting her she replied by asking who you are. You can't believe she has lost the number she used to call every time she faced troubles so easily. She explains that she's just replaced her phone and lost all her contacts.

But then there's her pink little Hello Kitty address book that's always been located on top of her desk. After she had just gotten the notebook she insisted yours be the first number she place on it. If she had even thought about the past she would have looked up your number on that pink booklet. What could she possibly be doing here because it really seems like she doesn't want to reconcile.

Regardless of these thoughts she's still allowed inside. She's brought someone along. It's not her boy toy so she isn't fanning the flames. Her brother's there and from the look on his face he's there out of requirement.

She assumes she's being crafty but you've become someone who can see through people's intentions. It's unbelievable that she would bring someone so she wouldn't be alone in case she gets bored. That's what he's there for, an excuse for a hasty exit. It's an insult because even if there's tension it's not like she's in a room filled with strangers. She knows half the people in the room for fuck's sake. What the hell could she be playing at?

"How long has it been?" Holly asks as she steps inside.

"You haven't called me about your problems in almost a year." the challenge to dispute this claim doesn't go unnoticed. She avoids those gray depths because she doesn't wish to begin a losing argument.

It's fucking awkward. Neither of you know what should be done because normally people would hug after a return from a long absence. She's like you because she's not really the hugging type. Well she's never really hugged you unless she was going through a crisis.

There's a different reason why she isn't running into your arms. Things are hell of awkward right now and there's no way she can determine how you'd react to an embrace. She and her brother step inside after they notice food and it's not a surprise when she drags her brother into the kitchen. She loves the fact that this house always has an abundance of food. That's probably why she's here. She didn't miss you. She missed the food.

"Holly." Oliver greets her while she's stuffing her face. "It's been a while." he extends his arms and wraps them around her in a friendly embrace. She nods her head as she swallows.

Holly is introduced to the people she doesn't know and they're all getting along. They're wrapped up in video games whilst you're talking to Joannie about Jake. She wants to know how he's doing. God she's so obsessed with him it's annoying. She's blatantly obvious about her feelings. He's the reason why she's hanging around so much but it doesn't matter. You're accustomed to being used.

The subject that is Jake is put on hold as Joannie talks about the latest guy she made out with. It's some guy from her English class. She isn't a whore because she doesn't sleep around. She however does like to play tonsil hockey with different boys.

She has a new guy to mess around with practically every month. It's not bothersome because that's just how she is and you've no right to pass judgment on others. She's young and wants to enjoy life. This type of thinking is accredited to having personal experience in such matters since you've participated in a fair share of messing around. It's nowhere near as emphatic as her and Jake. They may be perfect for each other. They're both just looking to have fun and don't want anything serious.

Deciding to go mingle with the others now, you excuse yourself and head over the kitchen where Ollie, Sarah, and Holly are. Holly's younger brother is gone. She sent him away because she's having fun. She shouldn't have brought him in the first place.

"Miley's my best friend." is the words that fall from Holly's mouth. Having just entered the premises, you have no idea what they're talking about.

"So you make it a point to avoid your best friends?" the bitterness that's pouring through your Southern accent can't be helped. Nor do you want to. You're standing there in the kitchen wondering what the hell is going through her mind. Oliver's stares with shocked eyes and really he should be used to that candid nature.

This is supposed to be a happy gathering so a hasty retreat is made before something worse can be said. It's already on the tip of that crass tongue so you run back into the living room as far from the kitchen as possible.

Aside from the little mishap with Holly things are going great. Everyone's having fun. The room gets a little stuffy and you find yourself walking toward the balcony outside, staring at the ocean. The clamor going on inside can easily overpower the sound of waves crashing against the shoreline. You didn't know what to expect to feel after seeing Holly again.

There's a sense of happiness but its insignificant compared to the disappointment. She threw you away so callously. That's not surprising though. You've been tossed aside countless times. It's just unexpected that this is how the drifting apart would take place.

The scenario was that you would lose touch after attending different colleges and become too preoccupied with studying and partying that you would forget about each other. This sordid ending is unexpected and this whole experience just shows that those walls haven't been as heavily guarded as you thought. An unbridled need to keep people at arm's length arises. It's necessary to maintain detachment to avoid these types of situations.

Then again you're not a robot. You're a human being filled with faults accompanied by that want for connection. It's inescapable, that want for someone that'll understand and care. It's every human's deepest desire.

That's why against your better judgment there are always others around. Regardless of whether or not a real connection is shared the fact is there's someone there so that a bond, even a miniscule one, can be shared. There are those categorized as 'hang-out' friends. These are the friends you associate with for the sole purpose of having fun. The others are the 'close' friends.

There aren't that many of them but they're the ones to consider talking to when there's a problem. Consider being the keyword. You don't actually do it but they are considered. They however do talk to you about their deepest darkest secrets.

It becomes clear that even if she's forgiven things will never be the same. She'll never be awarded that same level of trust. Despite the fact that the connection shared is still there it'll never be as strong as it was because those walls are thicker than ever. The expectation of being tossed aside without a second thought will always linger.

You've been alone too long. You head back inside and join the merry crew. Joannie's all over Oliver now while Sarah's singing. Marissa and Rachel are playing either the guitar or bass. It's unclear. Holly's whacking away on the drums.

The night progresses and Holly's giving details on what, who, and how she's been doing. She's still letting herself be used by the same boy toy but restraint is uncharacteristically enforced and no comments are made. You also discover who she's surrounded herself with. She must have wanted to avoid you badly because she's been hanging out with people she supposedly hated. Time has a funny way of transforming people.

They aren't degenerates or anything. She just claimed they annoyed her and she would never associate with them willingly but she doesn't need to be reminded. Her tastes in company could have changed.

The guests are leaving and they can't be blamed because it's past midnight. Only Oliver and Holly are left because they're busy talking. You're part of the conversation but not much is being said on your end. It's a self control exercise. Saying something to Holly will make her think you're gravely affected. It maybe childish, but she's the one who's supposed to bring it up.

Thinking about her doesn't mean much. If you really cared that pride would have long been swallowed and a call to her would have been made long ago. It's just that everyone keeps pressing about the issue and you want it all to cease.

It really isn't only Jake that asks questions about her but Joannie and Oliver too. They are her friends but they instantly took your side even when they didn't know what happened perhaps because they felt obligated. They wouldn't know each other if it weren't for you but you've all hung out more than enough times to create a plethora of memories which they just love to recall. So it's not the fact that you missed her which coerced the contact. It's the way everyone misses her too.

"Hey remember Danny?" Holly's asking while the place is being cleaned.

"How can I forget?" you ask. "He was like always all over me." the reminder causes her to laugh. He asked you out a million times because like every other hormonal boy, he thought he was the cure for lesbianism. As if. He has no chance whatsoever. The thought of having him near causes nausea of unparalleled heights.

"He came to my brother's birthday." she's captured your attention.

"So you invited him to your brother's birthday and not me?" the shock is undeniable because she complained of how strange he was and now they've been spending time with each other. She would rather spend time with him than you and it feels as though she's just spilled a vat of alcohol on top of an open wound. What the fuck?

"Yeah and I'll never invite him again." she says. "That idiot brought his pit bull and that thing mauled my little cousin's face." the word karma passes through but it's pushed aside because it was her younger cousin that was victimized.

"Damn that sucks." Oliver says and it's nearly three in the morning.

"Let's go up to my room." it's getting closer to sleeping time. Kicking them out isn't an option because they don't seem to want to leave. They nod their heads and follow.

"Do you still have my pj's?" Holly's question is rewarded with a nod. She digs through your closet and finds them.

"Just like old times huh." the helmet haired boy remarks. He's right. This is familiar because the three of you sleeping in one room used happen at least once a week.

A sleeping bag is pulled out from under the bed before it's tossed to Oliver. He catches it and begins to unravel his bed for the night. Having him sleep over happens often to the bag is always there just in case. Jake often sleeps over too but he's never slept over with Oliver. The image of them sleeping in the same fabric bag causes you to smirk. They'll probably prefer sleeping on the floor rather than share.

Even though the bed is big and there's room for Oliver to squeeze in with you and Holly that's not an option. Only girls are allowed to spend a night on this bed because you shift in your sleep. Waking up cuddled next to a boy is an unwanted experience.

Besides it's been tried it a few times but the end result was the same. The sleeping male friend always ended up getting kicked in the balls. The memory of Jake rolling on the floor clutching his jewels still sends you in a laughing frenzy. Oliver didn't fare any better. He cried. It's amusing because girls never complain about getting hit even if you're a shifter. It's probably your subconscious clarifying the fact that guys will never be an option.

After showering you head back into the room and find Oliver sprawled out in the sleeping bag sound asleep. On the bed lies Holly who's staring rather anxiously. It's apparent that the talk is coming.

"So…" she starts as you crawl under the covers. God, that's a pathetic way to start a conversation. "Ten months…"

"Yup." those lips stick together and make a popping noise. "That's a whole school year." the date is processed and she bows her head down in shame. At least she recognizes that she's the one at fault.

"I'm sorry." she starts. "It's just that the last time we talked I could tell you were angry."

"I wasn't angry." clarifications should be made. Explanations should be given. "I was just disappointed with you." the declaration is released whilst gray depths look up at the ceiling. She continues with her explanation.

"I could tell you were getting tired of listening to my shit." she says.

"I wasn't tired of listening to your shit." you shift to your side in order to look at her. "I was tired of you doing the same shit over and over again." it's the truth. "You can't seem to stop shoving yourself in situations that you know will end badly."

"I know." she seems sincere.

"Face it." staying true to that blunt and acute, the demand is given. She knows this and that's why she's readying herself for the verbal abuse that's going to be inflicted. "The truth is you weren't afraid I was getting tired of you." all restraint has vanished. "You stopped talking to me because you were tired of hearing me lecture your ass because you know I was right." the challenge to refute is given.

"It's a little bit of both." Holly declares. God you're good at reading into people's actions. "Besides we needed space." she says. Laughter erupts from the walls of your chest.

"You make it sound as if we're a couple." the teasing tone lightens the mood effectively.

"You know you want to hit this." is her comeback. She's raking her hands over her body and as appealing as her looks are, bedding her is no longer an option.

"That boat sailed a long time ago." it sailed before you two fought. She simply isn't tempting anymore.

"You'll think differently when you see me in my lingerie." she promises. "It's black and lacy and the stockings are really comfortable." she divulges. "Your birthday's coming up." Holly remembers. "I'll show you then." she says but it sounds more like she's asking.

The underlying meaning behind her question is clear. It's obvious she's clarifying whether or not she's been forgiven. She's asking if you want to talk to her again after tonight because she wants to be back in your good graces. Of course it probably has something to do with the fact that there will be really good food to be served at the party.

Thing's will never be the same and that's unavoidable but you're willing to take whatever's left. Despite her faults she's proven can be a decent friend.

"Yeah." a small yawn escapes. "That sounds good." sleep comes swiftly.

XXXX

Yay! Holly and Miley are friends again... Thanks for all the reviews given. How do you think the story is progressing so far? As you can tell, Lilly has been missing from two chapters but she is mentioned so that's a good sign.

Cel- To answer your question, it's the same story you read months ago. I am the author. I just revamped it because I got this one review which told me that it was too difficult for them to read the story because there were too many 'you's' in it so I edited everything. Plus, I didn't like the previous title for the story so I changed that too... Hope it helps to know this story wasn't plagiarized.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the long wait...

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Gray meets bright blue whilst you're sitting on top of the table, leaning in with elbows against the middle of your thighs. This time she doesn't have homework. There's no reason to feel guilty about being here. Those haunting bright blues are still hard to face. Your gaze is fixated on her chest, this time looking a little lower than usual.

She notices this because she's placing her arms across her chest. The fact that she's shy doesn't make a difference. Gray depths are still looking down her low cut top. This is something only a pervert would do.

Whilst that's true the excuse for this sordid behavior is that you haven't had sex in a year. Being a teenager means having hormones all over the place. Feeling rather bold, the gaze is held. It's a challenge of sorts. There's chastising to be had for this sort of behavior yet she continues to say nothing. She continues to sit there looking absolutely nervous. Flustered Lilly is adorable.

She doesn't comment on the fact that you're looking down her shirt and are probably picturing her naked but she is incredibly agitated and one out of two isn't so bad.

"What did you do over the summer?" Lilly asks.

"I went to San Francisco." the instant reply. "After doing the tourist thing at San Fran I went back to Tennessee for a while. My dad makes it a point that me and my brother go back every summer. He wants to make sure we don't forget our roots and he doesn't want us estranged from his family." a smirk appears on your lips as a memory of a previous conversation is recalled. "I think he's just trying to make sure I don't lose my captivating accent."

"I'm sure you'll still sound alluring even without the Southern drawl." she teases.

"Yes but I won't sound as unique." the banter is fueled. "I need something to separate me from other girls." the blonde smiles. "However will I vie for the employee of the month position at 1-800-SEX-MEUP?" she's laughing at the ridiculousness of the conversation.

"What did you do in Tennessee?" Lilly can't handle too much sexual jokes.

"I hung out with my family and helped my grandma out at the ranch." your muscles are flexed in demonstration. "Yes that's how I got these babies right here." she's snickering while patting the strapping limbs.

"You know how to ride?"

"Yes." you're leaning closer to her smirking lasciviously. "I've been told I know how to ride real well." the suggestive tone is hard to ignore. Lilly's blushing and stammering.

"I meant horses." she clarifies and you laugh.

"I know." the sly reply is given. "What did you think I mean?" she's glaring but the slight curl of her upper lip indicates that she doesn't really mind. "Do you?" she shakes her head. "I'll have to teach you one day."

"I don't know about that." she's unsure. "I'm kind of afraid of getting trampled."

"Don't worry." you smile realizing that scared Lilly is really adorable. "I'm kind of like a horse whisperer." growing up in a ranch has its advantages. "I won't let anything happen to you." she smiles after this proclamation is made. "By the time I'm done with you you'll be broken in." she's blushing. You realize the sexual innuendo. This time however there was no intention to be so evocative. "You know what I mean." she nods. "What did you do?"

"I stayed with my relatives in Boston over the summer." she reveals and you urge her on. "I baby sat my cousins and my childhood friend from there showed me around." Lilly says. "He took me to a bunch of museums."

She pulls out her phone and in less than thirty seconds she's handing it to you and the picture of her and the guy in front of a building is displayed. Gray eyes look to her than the guy before you smirk. He's pretty good looking and it's obvious this is someone she could be into. You hand her back the phone with a knowing look.

"I detect a hint of summer romance." she's staring wide-eyed. You were right.

"How'd you know?" she demands and laughter erupts from your throaty voice. She's still not used to that degree of observance and intuitiveness. "I didn't tell anyone." her brows furrow in confusion as she wonders how this could possibly be inferred from one picture.

"I'm very perceptive."

"It wasn't really summer romance though." she corrects. "My mom and I used to visit my aunt often when I was little." she explains. "She reintroduced me to him and we just hung out a lot."

"Did you like him?" you ask.

"We flirted." she reveals. "A lot." she emphasizes. "He said he thought I was nice and wholesome which is different from the girls he knows." her brow crinkles. "He said all the girls there were loose and all they do is sleep around." the subject of sex resurfaces and now you're wondering whether or not Lilly has a sex life.

"Have you?" the question is asked.

"Have I what?" she asks. A small hand gesture is made by pointing your index finger from one hand and poking it into the hole that's made by the linking of your forefinger and thumb on your other hand. She doesn't seem to understand what's being asked. It isn't annoyance that courses through your veins because in truth her cluelessness is endearing.

"Are you a virgin?" the question is posed ever so bluntly. She's looking shyly before shaking her head. "There's nothing like claiming an unexplored territory." Thoughts drift to those intimate instances. You bagged a fair share of innocent girls.

"So do you hook up with a lot of untouched girls?" Lilly asks out of genuine intrigue.

"I haven't been with that many girls." only a handful. "But let's just say I've taught a few girls countless lessons in life." you've only been with four and only one of them had experience.

Your head's reeling in the memories and while there haven't been that many notches on your bedpost, thinking about them is still arousing. Awareness of the location causes dirty thoughts to be pushed aside. It would be unwise to spend the whole day reliving past sexual encounters. You prefer to not show up to class in an aroused state.

"Is that your preference?" she inquires.

"Not really." you don't really care. "I mean I wouldn't sleep with a slut." it's not because they're unpleasant. It isn't pride over the fact that they have more experience. "There's no challenge in that." you love the chase. It's the most exciting and invigorating drug.

"So you like challenging girls?" she's really bent on trying to figure you out.

"It just feels much more empowering if you're going for a girl who is very particular." it's really an ego trip. "I guess it helps make me feel like I'm special or something." is the thought that passes. "They're selective in who they want to be with yet they chose me to dive in to no man's land." the explanation is understood.

"Do you think I'm particular?" it's clear that the blonde's very self-conscious.

"Don't worry I think you're putting up quite the challenge." you grin after realizing the truth behind these words. She's managed to keep your interest and there aren't any people who can boast to succeeding with this feat.

"I have to if I want to keep you hooked." Lilly's playing along.

"You're doing a damn good job." the assurance is given accompanied by a charming smile which she returns. Only then is it realized there may have been some flirting going on but it doesn't matter because Lilly doesn't seem to mind.

"Well I always try my best." she declares and it's clear that the blonde's an overachiever.

You wonder who the lucky guy was. He had to have been someone she considered special if she chose him to be her first because Lilly's not impulsive.

"It was him huh?" you ask after piecing the puzzle internally. She finds the question perplexing. "You lost it to the guy from work." the clarification causes her eyes to seem as though they are ready to bulge out of her skull. Her mouth's hanging open in utter shock. "I'm terribly astute." you declare with a shrug and she's flustered. "Don't worry. It's all right." the statement does little to appease the blonde.

"No one's ever figured it out." she states as she looks away and faces ahead.

"I won't say anything to anyone." the words are accompanied by a comforting hand on her shoulder. "My lips are sealed." there's an unexplainable need for her to know you're trustworthy.

"He got his ex pregnant." she whispers softly. Thank god for the proximity or else it would have been impossible to hear.

"Oh." there's nothing more to say because her stiff posture implies that she doesn't want to make a big deal of things. You still want to console her though so her shoulder is given a soft squeeze.

"Its fine." she assures with a smile. This time it's not awkward, inviting, amused, or flirty. The smile she's giving you is a heart wrenching one. It definitely does not become her. She should always be happy or flustered. "It happened a while ago." she wants to give the impression she's over it because it's passed but time does not heal wounds. Time does nothing to ease the pain.

All it can do is provide a chance to learn to ignore the ache. But just because one can disregard something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. She's still affected and though the entire details aren't known, you think she'd be crazy not to be.

"Do you regret it?" light blue depths conveys her wants to talk. Perhaps no one's asked her the right questions.

"No." she's lying to herself but this time your tongue is held back. She's hurting enough. She can stand to live in this delusion a while longer. One day maybe Lilly will face the truth but not today. "I mean I would have wanted things to end better." she explains. "Him leaving me to marry his pregnant ex wasn't really a scenario of how I pictured my first relationship would end." her eyes drop down to the table. "What a blonde right?" she's kicking herself for something she can't control.

"Nah." you disagree. "We all have picturesque sceneries about how we want our lives to be." everyone dreams of their future. Some just do it more than others. "I mean ten years from now I picture myself marrying the love of my life, Kristin Kreuk." the jest earns a slight smile from the blonde. You're thanking God for giving you the ability to put her at ease.

"I used to have a big thing for Tom Welling." she confesses shyly.

"I've been in love with Kristin since I first saw her on T.V." your love for Kristin Kreuk is common knowledge amongst friends. "I swear I remember this scene she was doing a strip tease…" a husky sound escapes your throat and all of a sudden it feels as though the temperature is rising.

"She is really pretty." her affirmation earns a nod filled of enthusiasm.

"She's like a Goddess." the emphasis over the last word is made. "She's been number one on my list since forever." you declare. "She's my first celebrity love and when I fall I fall forever." blonde locks sway as her head nods in understanding. "I'm the type that believes when you really love someone you'll always love them." perhaps being raised in a ranch contributed to this traditional way of thinking. "Maybe you won't love them to the same degree but you'll always feel something." she agrees with a soft look in her eyes.

"He said I was the first virgin he was with so he'll always remember me." Lilly discloses. Her tone soft and affectionate and this isn't a surprise. She wanted to be remembered by the one she gave her innocence to.

"You never forget your firsts." you assent.

Your hand drops from her shoulder. You're not the touchy feely type but you recognize the instant when someone needs a comforting caress so your fingers trail down the skin of her arm pass her elbow and down to her wrist. Your hand is placed on top of hers. She's supposed to stiffen under the unexpected contact. Her next move is surprising.

Her fingers cup your palm. She holds the appendage tightly as hands are intertwined. It's impossible to recall the last time a girl's hand conjoined with yours in such an innocent manner. It doesn't matter since she feels incredibly delightful against your skin.

XXXX

My goal has always been to make my stories as realistic as possible. What do you think so far?


	8. Chapter 8

"Look…" Oliver's pointing at some girl. "Fresh meat's totally checking you out." he exclaims excitedly and your eyes roll because he wants to live vicariously through your experiences. "She looks like Kristin Kreuk." he remarks and now gray depths certainly have to get a good look.

"She does not." there's no resemblance whatsoever to the Eurasian goddess.

"She's still hot though." he remarks and for once the donut's right. "And she's a freshman… I know how you love the young meat." he's nudging your shoulder encouragingly.

You're at the school library passing through book aisles in search for research material for a paper. There' a few in already in hand but it may not be enough. The search for an empty room in the library begins. A familiar patch of blonde hair in one of the room's is seen and the chance is taken when the door is opened.

"You got any room?" the question is accompanied with a smile. Lilly is accompanied by Marissa. They nod their heads and urge you to enter.

The books are placed on the table before planting that intrusive ass next to Lilly. She takes her eyes off the book she's reading. Her bright blue eyes are looking at you but they won't be met because gray depths are busy looking down her top.

"Fancy meeting you here." the blonde remarks.

"Yeah." a small reply is given. "Thanks for letting me and Ollie in." Oliver's dragging a chair into the room and he places it next to Marissa. "We promise not to disturb." she smiles.

"You better not." Marissa makes a statement. You're ignoring her existence.

The two other girls begin asking each other questions while you're reading through the books and making a note of what can be used for the paper. Olive should be helping but it comes as no surprise that he isn't.

"Dude… Fresh meat's totally scoping you out." Oliver mutters as he points his head toward the window.

"Oliver…" you're about to tell him it's all in his imagination when the girl in question. Her eyes are glued to you before she looks away. There's a blush on her cheek because she knows she's been caught. She knows her ruse has been discovered but she still picks up a random book and pretends to read.

"She's passed by a million times." the donut remarks. "She totally wants to talk to you." he needs to be reminded yet again that you're not looking for a relationship when Marissa interrupts.

"Go talk to her." she encourages because she knows how long it's been.

"You didn't say you liked them young." the only blonde in the room remarks. You turn to her immediately with a small playful grin that is accompanied by a small shrug. "She's cute." Lilly validates. "And she seems like she's totally your type." she comments and there's no disagreeing with her comment. The freshman has the pale skin and dark haired locks that are normally desired but your head shakes.

"I'd rather not take advantage." there's just no pull.

"Oh come on! Since when did you have morals?" Marissa exclaims. Her existence is being ignored again and she's annoyed. "Oliver's not going to let up until you talk to her." she was right though. Oliver could be relentless at times. "Show us that game you claim to have." you refuse to get caught in this trap.

You refuse to talk to the hot freshman under these circumstances. There's no need to prove anything to the two goading idiots. Besides, matters like these shouldn't be a spectacle for the amusement of others. It should be intimate.

Your eyes shift toward the book and the other two brunettes in the room who groan in disappointment. They were expecting you to talk to the girl and either get a date with her or take her up to the area of the make-out aisle of the library. Regardless, their fantasies have been squashed because you won't do a thing to or with that freshman.

"I'll be back." you say after an hour has passed.

"I knew you'd change your mind!" Oliver remarks as he takes his head up from the book he was sleeping on. He really is an idiot. "You are one horny bastard." a middle finger is raised his way.

"I'm going to the bathroom." his thinking is corrected.

"I'll come with." Lilly's leaning a tad bit closer to so your shoulders are touching. A nod is given in compliance before pushing yourself off the chair. You hold the door open before taking the lead. She's walking beside you as the walk to the restroom is completed.

You motion for her to enter and she does. After entering separate stalls there's silence as bodily fluids are emptied. Lilly's still in her stall but you're walking toward the sink. While washing your hands the door opens. Gray depths look up in the mirror to find the aforementioned 9th grader's reflection. She looks like a deer caught in headlights. She wasn't expecting to enter and find the object of her lust in front of her face.

"Hi…" she mutters softly. Hormones take control and you're smiling flirtatiously. She's finished washing her hands and before you know it she's handing you a paper towel. It's taken politely.

"Thank you." she tilts her head upon hearing that voice. She doesn't know you're Southern and that you have an accent but from the smile on her face it's evident she isn't complaining. Hands are wiped dry. "I'm Miley." the introduction is made before extending the now dry hand out to the younger girl. She takes and shakes it. She's about to introduce herself when the door opens again and this time Lilly's standing looking between you and the freshman. The girl's hand is released immediately. "She's Lilly." the blonde sauntering over to you two is introduced.

She smiles as she looks at the unknown girl. Lilly turns toward you with her brow raised. She's quite amused. She steps closer because she wants to use the sink that's located near you instead of the one near the stranger. She inadvertently positions herself between you and the freshman.

Her hand grazes your shoulder and you're smirking. She's standing awfully close but there's no reason to compain. You reach behind and hand her a paper towel. Gray eyes are never leaving her face.

"It was nice to meet you." the girl says. Her existence is forgotten.

"What was that about?" Lilly asks as she wipes her hands dry. She's confused as to why the girl practically ran out of the restroom. She tosses the used tissue aside.

"She thinks we have a thing." the information is shared in a casual tone.

"Oh!" she says in understanding. "Sorry." the blonde apologizes. "I cost you a date with the pretty freshman." she's teasing. "You don't seem that upset." she notes correctly. You really could not care any less. The freshman is a nice girl but she simply doesn't spark any deep rooted interest.

"It's fine." this is said nonchalantly. "I wasn't really into her."

"Really?" she seems surprised.

"You know how you have eye candy?" Lilly's confused. "You see people you think are hot all the time." the blonde urges you on. "But you don't get this urge to talk to them because even though you think they look gorgeous you don't have this need to want to get to know them as a person and you just want to gaze from afar." the explanation is given. "Contrary to popular belief I don't just hit on every cute girl I see."

"She has to engage your curiosity and eyes." she says.

"Exactly." the blonde hit the nail on mark. "Usually when I look at a girl she'll give off this vibe and I'll know instantly if I'm going to like her or not." you enlighten.

"Really?" she's amazed. "You've never liked someone after getting to know them?"

"Right off the bat I know whether I'll be interested." you say with such self-assurance. "I just look at someone and I know whether I'll be into them or not." that has always been the case. "That's how I know who to stay away from."

"What do you mean?" Lilly asks.

"I don't really need romantic hassles right now so if I know I'm talking to a girl I'm going to end up liking I just try to avoid it entirely." you explain. "I mean I'll hang with her but the walls are up in full force." the clarification seems necessary. You don't want to be seen as a bitch.

You take leave from the restroom and soon the two of you head back toward the private room where Oliver and Marissa talking about video games. It's not a surprise since that's really all the two talk about. They play online together and share codes. Oliver being a gamer isn't a shock since he looks like he wouldn't have a life outside of his room but who would have thought a looker like Marissa would be so into video games?

"You two took forever." Marissa notes.

"I took a shit that's why." you're crude remark earns a crinkled nose from Marissa and an understanding nod from Oliver.

"You stayed with her during that?" the female brunette asks Lilly who nods her head smiling as she happily plays along. Gray depths are looking at her and the invasion of personal space is clear. Your knees are grazing again.

"What are you doing?" the blonde asks.

"Oh… my bad." you shrink away, thinking she's been offended by the unintentional invasion of her personal space. You realize this happens more often than not.

Somehow every time you're together a conversation about the possibility of the two of you going out is brought up or you end up sharing a confidential conversation that's usually accompanied with either a playful or intimate touch. The situation is a bit sketchy but for the moment you're deciding between coincidence and the possibility that this all in your imagination.

"No… I want you near." she says as she pulls your chair closer.

It's astonishing because the petite blonde moved you with one arm. It's a reminder of how athletic this girl is. Briefly the thought of arm wrestling Lilly is entertained. But her remark is remembered and you smile.

"Okay." you acquiesce, shifting in your seat until knees, thighs, and shoulders are touching. "Better?" she nods.

"What are you up to?" she asks as she gestures to your book. She clearly doesn't mind the invasion of personal space. She's welcoming and it would be foolish to reject Lilly.

"Research paper." the reply is short and she faces her studies.

The tasks are resumed but every once in a while you both would look away from those respective assignments and stare at one another with great grins. Yours demonstrates a more amused smirk whilst hers is shy. Mostly, you gaze upon her because she's looking at you and she probably thinks you're doing the same. That's why this game's being played.

"What?" she asks finally after the hundredth time grays and blues meet.

Immunity to the effects of the past is being developed because you've been looking into those bright blue depths a lot. Your head shakes. She giggles a bit and your grin widens exponentially.

"Nothing." a knock on the door is given before it opens.

"The library will be closing in ten minutes." the librarian informs the group. Oliver and Marissa halt their talking as you and Lilly begin to pack up.

"Need help?" the blonde offers as she gestures toward your books.

"No." the decline of help seems to upset her. "But you can return these books with me." a small compromise is made and her smile brightens.

"Only if you walk with me to my locker." her bargain is met with a nod.

"Do you need a ride?" you turn to Marissa who takes a break from her conversation with the helmet haired boy. She nods her head. You then face Lilly who shakes her cranium side to side.

"No, my mom's picking me up after her work." she informs. "We're supposed to go to dinner."

"I'll meet you by my car." they wave you off and it doesn't seem like they heard what was said but that doesn't matter. There's no reason as to why they should accompany you when they have more pressing matters to attend to such as discussing their video games. "Shall we?" Lilly smiles softly.

The two of you begin to trek over to the drop off section at the library. You leave the books at the counter and let the blonde lead the way to her locker.

"Thanks for walking with me…" she starts.

"I can't very well have you walking down the school halls by yourself." the remark is made. "There's a lot of strangeness that goes on in this place after the students are gone." the tone in your voice drops to add effect to the statement.

"Aren't you the big strong protector?" Lilly teases.

"What time does your mom get off work?" you ask as she opens her locker and stuffs her books inside. She closes the locker and has a thoughtful look on her face.

"She ends at five so she'll be here around five thirty." she replies. "You don't have to wait with me."

"Are you kidding me?" there's a smirk on your lips. "And miss the chance to have you all to myself for another thirty or so minutes." she looks amused. "Tell me something about you." the conversation continues.

"What do you want to know?" you two are walking out of the school.

"Anything." she looks for further elucidation. "Everything." it's amazing how you're just realizing the truth behind this sentiment. She's looking pensive no doubt going over what she should say. She's probably trying to think of a topic that won't bore you but that would be impossible. There's nothing she could do that could deter your interest and that particular realization is odd. "What's your favorite music?" the inquiry is made after deciding to help. She looks grateful.

"I can listen to anything but I really like Paramore." she remarks and you're shocked.

"That's my favorite band." you inform excitedly. "Hayley has a really awesome voice but I was disappointed when I watched their concert." Lilly looks confused.

"Why's that?" she asks.

"Hayley dyed her hair blonde." you were expecting that familiar little red jumping bean on stage and it was upsetting to see a full head of blonde instead.

"You don't like blondes?" Lilly sounds a bit disappointed.

"I do." you amend her thinking. "It's just that I loved her as a red head. She's like one of the few red heads I find attractive." her mouth forms an 'o' shape. "She still looks hot though." she's staring ahead. "You know not everyone can look good in a different hair color." she nods her head in agreement.

"Yeah, I don't think I'd look good as a redhead."

"You would." you contest. "But you look perfect the way you are right now." she's looking like she doesn't believe what you're saying. "I would never lie to you." her face softens. "I think we're going to have to work on your confidence."

"Are my low self esteem issues that noticeable?" she asks.

"I don't know what you have to be so conscious about." it's a real mystery. "You're smart and really funny and maybe you could pick a different topic to make fun of. Most of the time you're making fun of yourself." Lilly smiles shyly.

"Really?" her question receives a nod.

"Yeah but now I guess you should be thankful because I've given you new material." you point to yourself and she's laughing hysterically.

The talk continues. You return to the topic about girls who look good whether they be blonde, brunette, or redhead. The discovery that her number one girl crush is Scarlett Johansson is made. More information is found out when she starts talking about her interests outside of school. The realization of commonalities shared is undeniable. Of course there are still apparent differences but they're rather amusing.

Lilly finishes talking about her and she's told the story of the really hot girl with green bangs that eye fucked you one day when you were driving down Joannie's block. Not a lot of girls can rock an unordinary hair color and she agrees.

Time passes too quickly. Her mom's driving up the driveway of the school. Lilly's says her goodbye. After turning to head toward your car a hand is felt on your shoulder. Gray eyes look at her questioningly. She responds to that inquisitive gaze by placing her arms around your neck. She's giving a goodbye hug and it takes a while before control of your senses is gained. The embrace is returned.

Arms wrap tentatively around her waist and soon the hug ends and Lilly's stepping back. She smiles before heading toward her mother. You stare as lights of the car disappear into the night before heading toward the parking lot.

Oliver's sitting in the front seat looking out the window. Marissa has just been dropped off home and now Oliver's house is next. He's being uncharacteristically quiet. It's really creepy because he's never been known for being able to keep his mouth shut. It's obvious he wants to talk about something and doesn't know how to approach the topic. He gets awkward when he wants to talk about something he considers serious. The car parked in front of his house and his hand is on the handle of the car door.

"Is Lilly…" Oliver starts.

"Is Lilly what?" it's obvious where this conversation's going.

"Is she into you?" he asks.

"What? Where'd you get an idea like that?" the question is bewildering. You thought he was going to ask if Lilly was into him. What the hell was up with everyone thinking you and Lilly have a thing going on?

"I just… in the library it seemed like…" he stammers.

"She's not gay Oliver."


	9. Chapter 9

Being that everyone else lives along the way to Marissa's you're the designated driver tonight. Joannie's sitting on the passenger side while Rachel and Sarah hanging out in back. Oliver says he'll meet you at the party.

It's Halloween so it's almost mandatory to party with friends on this scariest holiday. Trick or treating hasn't been done since you were ten but dawning on costumes is a tradition that is unbreakable. Everyone shares this enthusiasm since this celebration down was forced down their throats. They were warned to dress accordingly if they wanted a ride.

That's why Joannie's sitting dressed like Dorothy from Wizard of Oz whilst Rachel's dawned on a cat woman costume. Sarah's dressed as a fairy. Oliver's dressed too.

The block is circled as a parking spot is being located. Success is found as the vehicle is parallel parked. It's not too far from her house and as you're walking Joannie's rambling on about the new guy she's got her eyes set on. It's amusing to listen to her stories. You give it thirty minutes before she's got her tongue shoved in his mouth. Rachel and Sarah follow quickly and they're probably thinking the same.

Marissa greets with a hug before pulling you inside. The music's pumping and you're nodding to the beat. Various drinks are splayed out on the table and you quickly grab one. It's nonalcoholic of course.

There's already a mess of people there because you arrived fashionably late. After scanning the room for known people you know Oliver is seen. Other friends are talking amongst themselves. You're about to head over to mingle but a flash of blonde hair catches your eyes and you freeze. It's quite shocking because she never said she was going.

Her eyes are on you and she's smiling as your feet are heading over to where she's standing. Her fingers are fumbling with one another. She's nervous and there's no reason why she should be.

"Hey…" she greets. The speakers are far away so she can be heard perfectly.

"Nice outfit." your eyes rake down her entire body slowly taking in every curve. Damn she has a pretty hot body and it's mystery why she was never noticed before in P.E. class. Then again she has had a chance to mature. It's been almost three years since locker rooms had been shared.

"Think it's authentic?" she asks.

She's dressed as a cowgirl. It's obvious from the cowboy boots. The jeans shorts she has on are doing a hell of a job exposing her magnificent legs. The flannel shirt that's tied around her waist exposes her toned stomach. It's disappointing because her shirts buttoned and you can't look at the place gray eyes normally settle on. Her cowboy hat is adorable.

"Not really." you say smirking.

"Really?" she's disheartened.

"You should lose the shirt." she's shaking her head because she gets the innuendo.

"I would but then my bra's the only thing I have underneath." Lilly chuckles heartily.

"I'm sure the female loving populace would have no complaints." the grin widens as lewd thoughts about the blonde walking around in nothing but her underwear hit your mind. She's shaking her head at the perverseness.

"Does this help though?" she's unbuttoning a button.

She's willingly allowing you to look down her shirt. Fuck she's inviting you to look and she's not about to be turned down. Deciding to be bold you reach out and release another button. She hasn't pushed the intrusive hands away. You fix the collar on her shirt and part her shirt so that her chest area is properly exposed. You pull it up slightly so her blue bra can be hidden from everyone else.

"All better." it really is.

"Thanks." Lilly's smiling appreciatively whilst a blush is coating her cheeks. "You know you look like an angel." she notes and you're both laughing.

"Really?" that's because you're dressed in bellbottoms and a skin tight top from the 70's era. A blonde wig is sported because you're supposed to be Jill Munroe from Charlie's Angels. "That's what I was going for." you place your hand on the wig and fingers dig through the hairpiece. The sensation hits your scalp and a sigh is released. "I don't think I could ever stand wearing a wig for too long." it's annoying. "It's really itchy." The mild complaint is given.

"You look really hot though…" she compliments. Hearing this relieves the irritation. In fact it's forgotten completely. "You'd make a really good blonde." a small laugh is released.

"Originals are always better." she's reaching up and playing with the synthetic hair. Her golden tresses can't be upstaged. It's beginning to be clear that no one can. "You know if I'd known what you were going to be then I'd have dressed correspondingly." you say. She tilts her head to the side and smiles knowingly.

"You would have dressed as a horse so I could ride you all night long?" she asks.

"No." that isn't what you were going for. It's unacceptable because she thought of it first but it's more amusing than anything. "I was going to suggest I come as Daisy Duke or something." she looks embarrassed and you love it. "You know I'd let you ride me even if I wasn't a horse." The teasing tone causes her to blush madly.

"Hey Lilly!" Joannie greets rather enthusiastically.

She captures your attention successfully. She's walking over and she hasn't had anything to drink because she's not stumbling in her heels. It's rather shocking because Joannie's quite the partygoer.

"Hey Joannie." Lilly greets.

"How you guys liking the party so far?" she asks.

A retort is about to be made but then a hand is felt on your breast. Eyes travel to the owner and find Joannie's leaning on you and clutching at the tit. She doesn't realize what she's doing because she's fumbling with her shoe. Lilly's eyes shift from you and Joannie. The way they're bulging out of her sockets makes it clear that she's also surprised that Joannie's feeling you up.

"Joannie?" you ask trying to get her attention. "I know you really want to experiment with me but maybe we could do it later?"

"What?" the other brunette follows your gaze. She sees her hand on the intimate area. "Oh!" she's rips her hand away. She's laughing hysterically. Your eyes roll as annoyance takes hold. She got a good feel. "My bad." she's smiling before she fumbles with her shoe once more. She's leaning on you again but it's alright because her hand is on your shoulder this time.

It probably would have stayed there if she hadn't lost her footing. Joannie's slipping and clutching wildly at your breast but this time she's pulling on your v-neck shirt and she has a really good grip. You grasp at the hand that's on the breast, gripping tightly whilst gray eyes fall on Lilly who's in possession of Joannie's breast free hand. It happened so quickly that it almost seems like a dream but the pain from her hand squeezing the tender area so tightly says otherwise.

"What is your fascination with my breast tonight?" you demand an answer as she's pulled to her feet and her hand is torn away from your desecrated breast.

"It was an accident." she proclaims. "Thanks by the way."

"For what?" you ask. "For letting you cop a feel?" the irritation weighs that Southern drawl. Fury is clearly detectable.

"I was going to say for saving me but I guess I should thank you for having tits of steel too." she's grinning madly while you glare. You're about to look away but Joannie's hand taps the underside of your breast.

"Joannie!" she senses the overwhelming vehemence and scampers away.

"I didn't think she was that touchy." you hear Lilly's voice. Amusement is clear on her tone and on her face but she's trying to hide it because she knows you're ticked.

"I feel so violated." the blonde who won't meet your eyes. "You okay?" your hand finds its way down your top.

"Yeah." her face is flushed and her voice just croaked. "Are you?" she's clearly very uncomfortable at the moment and it's clear why.

Your bra is adjusted while remembering a very interesting moment. Joannie was pulling your shirt and bra to the side and a nipple was partially exposed for a certain pair of bright blue depths to see. It happened because you really weren't reaching for the molester's hand. You were trying to keep said nipple from popping out of the v-neck top. She clearly saw because she wouldn't be blushing profusely if she hadn't seen part of your glory.

"Did you get a good look?"at least she was entertained.

"I didn't see that much." the blonde is blushing madly. Her eyes are really expressive. She didn't mean to tell the truth because not only are those bright blue depths expanding wildly she's also got her hand over her mouth.

"Don't worry. It's all good." you assure her.

"I didn't mean to look!" her voice is coated with guilt and shame. She's a really conscientious person and it's admirable. You wouldn't have apologized if roles had been reversed. No you would have tried to see more.

"If you really feel bad about it… you can even out the score." the words pour out of that mouth as they pass through your head. Filtering thoughts have never been an option. You stare at her expectantly but she isn't going to show anything. She knows she's being teased so she's shaking her head. She's laughing now so you've succeeded in making her feel at ease.

"I really am sorry." she's certainly repentant.

"Tell you what," this wasn't a goal when you came to the party. The thought of dancing with a girl hadn't even occurred. You're usually not one to pull stunts like this because usually your ass is the one that's getting dragged onto the dance floor but she was given a show and this song is just spectacular. "How about a dance instead?" her hesitance is clear.

"I would but…" she's probably worried about being seen dancing with a lesbian. "I can't really dance." she's looking shyly. This isn't some lame excuse she's using to get out of dancing because she's telling you the truth.

"I doubt that." that body was made to dance. "You just need someone to show you how to move." are the words that spoken.

"I do owe you." she reminds herself and you're grabbing onto her wrist and leading her onto the dance floor. She's going to be given a good time tonight.

"Let's Party in the U.S.A!" you sing along to the song.

"You're going to have to lead." she's smiling nervously.

She's nodding her head to the beat and mouthing the words. At least she knows the song. You're smiling at how adorable she looks. A drunken idiot staggers back. He knocks Lilly and she's stumbling forward. You catch the blonde before she falls. The inebriated douche is pushed away with an unparalleled force before you down only to find a pair of bright blue eyes staring appreciatively into those grayish depths.

"You alright?" she nods with her chin rubbing against your upper torso.

"Sorry." she's apologizing again and it's really unnecessary.

"It's all right." a smile is thrown her way in an attempt to ease those frazzled nerves. "At least you didn't grab my tits." you're both laughing again and whilst she's fixing her posture. The arm that's been around her waist has dropped down onto her hips and her hands aren't on your boobs but they are on your shoulders. The song changes and no one is ready to move from the floor. "Want to try this again?" you don't want to force her into doing something she doesn't want to. And she nods. "Just relax." the advice is given. It receives another nod.

"I'll try." she promises.

Her arms are placed on your shoulders whilst hands settle on her hip. You don't want to direct her by grinding on her so hands are used to guide her accordingly. It's awkward at first because she's tense but she relaxes after she sees you smiling encouragingly.

Somewhere along the way she completely unwinds and there's no cause for complaints. The way her hand is settled comfortably on your neck makes it so damn justifiable. There's no reason to complain about having her palm resting against the nape of your neck whilst her fingers are tangled in chestnut brown locks. Most of all you can't complain about having her so close. You can't complain about the feel of her warmth. You can't complain because there's no sensible reason to.

Thirst comes and it isn't a surprise since you've been dancing for who knows how long. You lead her away from the dance floor and walk toward a quieter place. She's flushed from the heat. You imagine your face looks the same.

"Drinks?" the Southern drawl is raspier than normal due to the dry throat. She nods her head.

The two of you walk over to the table where the sodas and waters are kept. You reach into the cooler where the canned sodas are and a hand brushes against yours. An apology should be given to the owner but your voice is caught.

"Miley." the owner of the appendage speaks.

"Ash." so she's choosing to acknowledge your existence which means she's also choosing to recognize the shared past. You don't quite know what to say after this so you're sort of just looking at her trying to figure out what she wants. She could have just said sorry and walked away. Instead she called your name and now she's still standing in such close proximity.

"Your girlfriend?" she looks to Lilly.

"No…" you quickly correct her assumption, not wanting word getting to people for Lilly's sake. "She's just my…" the proper term for said relationship is in there somewhere. You can't call her an acquaintance but there's a hesitance to call her a friend. The nature of your relations is a bit of a mystery.

"Ashley!" Amber's trailing over to the dark haired beauty.

An awkward smile is thrown her way before turning to make your leave. Lilly's following until the patio doors are reached. You hand her a can. She's looking with concern practically oozing from her eyes. She wants an explanation but she's respecting your space so she isn't asking for one.

"Hey guys!" Oliver says as he stands between the two of you. Interruptions had never been welcomed before.

"Ollie." his brown eyes are staring intently at the blonde and it's the perfect time to leave. "I'm just going to step out for a while." maybe he can spit his game at Lilly. You're hoping things will go well and that she'll forget all about the shit that just went on.

You're walking away and heading outside. A glance is taken before you slide the door close. Oliver's talking to Lilly who's wearing her uneasy smile and you want to be there to smooth things out between them but the need for solitude takes precedence. Mostly you want to be away from Lilly because if Oliver hadn't approached barriers would have been crossed.

It's a certain unsettling fact. It's unclear why. Maybe it's because she was there when it happened. Maybe it's because you feel so at ease with her company. The uncertainty is overwhelming. For the first time there's a desire to talk and the person you desperately want to talk to is Lilly.

There aren't that many stars out because of the city's light pollution but there are still a handful twinkling. Gray eyes shift toward the moon. It's imprecise how long you've been out there but being the designated driver tonight prevents you from leaving. And as much as you want to be at home safely away from a certain dark haired half Asian half White girl and a particular athletic blonde the carpoolers can't be left behind. Even though they did spend a good amount of the night molesting you, the lot can't be abandoned.

"You okay?" a voice startles the thoughts away.

"Yeah." there's an attempt to grin and if it were anyone else they would have believed it was real. Lilly doesn't because somehow she can read you like a book. "Not really."

"Was my dancing that bad?" she asks.

The fake grin becomes sincere as your head shakes. She couldn't be farther off base. Lilly's is an amazing dancer. Then again she's only saying that because she wants to see a genuine smile.

"You were awesome." the compliment causes her to smile shyly.

"Well I have a great teacher." she's been standing there the whole time and it's probably because she thought you were going to push her away. The empty seat next to you is patted and she smiles as she sits.

"You don't have to be here." she looks confused and she can't be blamed because you just offered her a seat after pretty much sounding like her presence there isn't wanted. "I mean…" it's unlike you to be without words. "You don't have to be out here with me when you could be in there having the time of your life." you clarify and the look of puzzlement dissolves from her face.

"I know." she states. "But I'd rather be here with you."

"Is that the truth or are you just avoiding Oliver?" the teasing remark earns a shake of the head from the blonde.

"No." she proclaims. "He's nice and kind of sweet." she remarks. You automatically sense a romance in the making and the unsettling feeling in the pits of your stomach is undeniable. "Why would I want to avoid him?"

"Why would you want to be sitting out here in the cold with me?" it's confounding.

"I guess I thought you needed a fr…" she pauses and gray meets blue. "Someone to distract you from your thoughts." is what she says. She wants to call herself your friend but the earlier statement to Ashley prevents her.

"You must think I'm a bitch." Lilly's justified if she does.

"Why would I think that?" the innocence in her tone is nothing short of wrenching.

"Well the whole thing with Ashley…" the reminder is given and she disagrees instantly. She places a hand on your knee and is smiling reassuringly. It's frightening how much you trust this practical stranger.

"I understand that you're embarrassed about people thinking you're dating me." she remarks and your eyes are swelling out of their sockets.

"What?" you exclaim. "I was fucking flattered she thought we were dating." who wouldn't have been? This girl has a great personality and a kind heart. Not to forget she is also fucking beautiful. You don't know how you could have missed it. Maybe if class had been attended you'd have noticed. "I just said that because I don't want people getting the wrong idea about you." you don't care what anyone thinks but you're not going to do anything to drag Lilly's reputation down to the gutters. "A lot of people have been hinting about us." the warning is given.

"Does it bother you that much?" she asks.

"No. I'm used to it but…" the blonde interrupts.

"You're worried about me." Lilly smiles sweetly. "I don't care." she declares. "You know I think this goes beyond the whole you're a lesbian and hanging out with a girl thing."

"I know." is your reply. "And I don't really understand why they think this way because as far as I know I'm relatively normal around you and you're the same." her head bobs up and down in compliance. "It's not like when we're together we're pawing at each other and eye fucking each other." there's not much interaction yet people have insisted on seeing the attraction.

"Eye fucking?" she questions.

"You know…" you start and she shakes her head. "The look you give someone when you're fantasizing them doing immoral things to their naked body." explanations are constant when in Lilly's presence.

It's completely indescribable, the experience of teaching the blonde what you know feels. It's rather odd that if it were anyone else they would be thought of as a poor sheltered imbecile but it's impossible to think badly of Lilly. Her naivety is quite endearing as opposed to others who would be regarded as annoying.

"Do me…" you didn't think it was possible to choke on air but it is because you're doing it.

"What?" there's no possible way she could have just said those words.

"Eye fuck me." the word fuck never sounded so good.

"That's the first time I've heard you curse." you note grinning wildly. "It's really hot." Lilly blushes and you're inching a bit closer. It would be rude not to comply with her request. You shut your eyes because she deserves the full eye fucking experience.

A slow breath escapes before opening your gray depths. Eyes are roaming every inch of her body slowly as though they're memorizing every wrinkle and freckle. Really you're picturing trailing that mouth all over her thighs. You imagine working your way up to the sensitive spot located between her inner thighs.

You lick your lips because she'll taste magnificent. Your eyes are removed from the middle of her shorts and are allowed to take in the sight of her toned stomach before you settle on her breasts.

There's a hope that she can see everything you're thinking about doing to her because that's what eye fucking is all about. You're supposed to convey lust with one look. Eyes move toward her neck which is craned your way and you're picturing just letting that tongue trail up her neck before settling on her earlobe.

Her face is flushed and her lips are parted. You're smirking because the proper way to eye fuck someone has been demonstrated perfectly. She's blushing madly as her blue depths meet gray ones.

"You learn something new every day." she whispers breathlessly. She looks like knows exactly what you were thinking while those eyes were taking in every inch of her body. "They must be seeing something between us." she concurs. It's irrefutable, that little something that's felt when you're with Lilly. Maybe she feels the same because she's sitting out here in the cold instead of inside with the rest of her friends.

"Is there?" you can't help but ask because they may be onto something. She shrugs. "I guess the fact that I'd date you in a heartbeat isn't helping the situation either." the declaration sends her cheeks ablaze.

"Is that why you don't consider me a friend?" she asks and you're taken back.

It's dumbfounding. You've never been at a loss for words because of that ability to riposte quickly but this girl's got your tongue tangled. You don't know how to respond to that because she's on the right track.

"Maybe…" you whisper with a hint of vulnerability. Dating Lilly had never been a possibility before but now there isn't anyone who can contrast. The topic is effectively changed before she can further comment. "You know…" she's shivering you'd totally give her a jacket but you aren't wearing one. "We should head back inside. It's really cold out here." you stand and extend your hand. She takes it and you lead her toward the door. You pause as it slides open. "This is the first time we've ever hung out." her eyes urge for an expansion of the sentence. "Outside of school."

"Yeah." she's smiling widely as she passes you. "We definitely need to do this again."


	10. Chapter 10

You shouldn't have drunk but it couldn't have been helped. It's a party and there's nothing wrong with downing a few shots before going to the bowling alley. It's a good thing that driving is Oliver's task tonight. There's less chances for accidents this way. Now, you aren't drunk but are a bit buzzed.

"Hey Ollie!" he's the designated driver for tonight.

The attendance to the party was a bit unplanned but the celebrant practically begged you to go the day before but there was no cancelling on Oliver and the others because the promise to go bowling with them was made last week. So the option to whore yourself out to friends tonight seemed a bit necessary.

"Hey Miles." he greets in return as he awkwardly waves since he doesn't really know the others.

"I'll see you later." the statement is made to the celebrant who nods her head.

"Come back later!" she yells because the night is still young.

"I'll see what I can do!" the remark is yelled in return. Promises aren't made mostly because of the uncertainty of the ability to follow through also because you're not the driver tonight but a humble passenger. It's aggravating when people dictate where they're supposed go when you're driving so being a considerate individual, the same won't be done to Oliver. "Joannie keeps texting me." the car door closes.

"Yeah." the donut nods. "Her, Sarah, and Rachel are at the bowling alley." he informs. "They said there's a tournament so the alley won't be open to the public until like 10:00."

The clock on the radio reads 8:30. It's annoying that Oliver practically demanded he pick you up because there is no sense in meeting the others if the alley isn't opened yet. It was fun catching up with the others and there was also that really hot girl whose charms couldn't be resisted. Well there wasn't much conversation being had but your mouths were used.

Of course you still aren't looking for a relationship but alcohol has a way of amplifying raging teenage hormones. They were insisting for some action so at the very least you made out with someone in order to satiate the thirst.

An exercise concerning your game was needed so pulling a Joannie/Jake and making out with some girl didn't seem like such a bad idea at the time. Just make out though. It's not about the sex. It's just comforting to know that the skills and charm are still there. There's utter satisfaction with the results because she asked for your number which was willingly given.

She's texting now and it's incredibly flattering. She's at a party that's more than decent according to regular teenaged standards yet she's on her phone sending texts. A good impression must have been made and it's utterly comforting.

Fuck. It certainly boosts the ego. You weren't even at the party for thirty minutes and there was already a girl with her tongue halfway down your welcoming throat. You're good at reading people so it's quite apparent she isn't the type to just randomly hook up with people she meets at parties. Besides the drinking didn't start until after the invasion of each other's mouths was made. This validates your point and proves that it happened because of your charming skills and that it wasn't some alcohol instigate incident.

"Were you getting so bored that you decided to pick me up?" the question is posed as the cell is placed in your pocket.

"Kind of." he admits because he knows it's pointless to lie since you can see right through his charade. Mostly he admits it because if he doesn't he'll be given hell and that's another area of your expertise. "You know you're the life of the party."

"I know." he parks. "Hey girls." the greeting is given to the others.

They all take their turns greeting and hugging but because the alcohol is still buzzing through your flesh you're hands are acting according to hormones rather than logic. You've squeezed each three girl's asses and a playful slap on the arm is given in return.

Feeling incredibly bored and buzzed your I-Pod is retrieved from the depths of your pockets and hooked up to the auxiliary jack that is connected to the doughnut's car. The music is suddenly blasting through Oliver's stereo and yet another party starts. You're dancing in the parking lot and trying to get the others to join. Everyone is dancing except for the helmet haired boy.

"How drunk are you?" Joannie asks.

"I'm not drunk…" you deadpan. "I'm buzzed." the correction is made while grinding your hips against hers keeping up with the beat of the song. She chuckles slightly.

"What's up?" a voice behind speaks.

Your head is turned slightly to find Marissa moving with the beat and now you're sandwiched between the two straight girls in an all to familiar dance. You're never usually this rowdy but it can't be helped.

"Not much." the breast grabber remarks. "Miley's just drunk."

"I'm not drunk!" the correction is yelled in frustration.

A familiar flash of blonde hair is seen when you turn once more. It wasn't common knowledge that she was going to be there. She's staring amusedly at the scene as you walk over to her and it's obvious she's confused yet amused with the strange antics.

"Hey." she greets and extends her arms.

"Hey Lilly." her space is eagerly invaded as your arms wrap around her waist. She releases a small squeal as you pick her up off the floor slightly. "I didn't know you were going to be here." her feet are planted firmly one the ground but she has yet to be released from your hold.

"I can tell you aren't upset with me coming." she giggles as your arm is withdrawn from her body slowly.

"I could never be upset with you coming." the last word is said suggestively. "Especially if I'm the reason for it." she looks at you momentarily. She doesn't get the joke right away but her eyes stretch and her cheeks redden when she does.

"You sure know how to make a girl blush." Lilly remarks and you're grinning lasciviously.

"I know how to make a girl do a lot of things." the things alcohol and hormones do to a person is certainly something. That's why you're using your phone sex operator voice on the blonde who's turning redder by the second.

"I don't doubt that." she mutters.

You hear a soft buzzing sound accompanied by Lilly's giggling. It's a sign that your phone has just received a message. The placement of your hands becomes apparent as they are resting on her hips. Her hands are on your chest situated just above your breasts. The lack of space allows for her to feel the vibration of your phone through your skinny jeans.

One hand moves off her waist as it fishes the cell out of your pocket. You're about to read the message but Joannie grabs the phone before you have the chance.

"Who the hell have you been texting all night?" she asks as she's fiddling with the device.

You've been constantly taking out on the phone and responding to the girl from the party. You were doing it while dancing with everyone and that's probably why her interest is so peaked.

You don't care if she reads the messages. You're not going to try and get it back because she'll return it after she's done. Really you're just too occupied to care about what Joannie's doing. You really don't want to move because you're quite comfortable standing in the parking lot with Lilly in your embrace.

"Woah!" Marissa remarks as Joannie finishes letting her read your message.

"I'm still feeling the effects of having your tongue on me." your breast grabbing friend reads the message. "What the fuck happened at the party?" she's asking as she hands the phone back. She should know better. You don't kiss and tell.

Lilly's eyes are on you, curiosity flowing through those ocean pools. They darken with a hint of disbelief and confusion it seems. You're wearing a secretive grin whilst you take the phone. A sultry reply is composed to the rather bold remark before sliding the phone in your pocket. Your stare never leaving the blonde as this is done.

You're aware that she's standing close and that her hands are still on your chest whilst yours are on her hips. She isn't pushing you away and you're not retreating. You're gauging her reaction whilst she wants to hear an explanation.

"Come on drunkard!" Oliver says as he gestures for everyone to head into the bowling alley.

You're both aware that you have an audience but that doesn't stop either of you from becoming involved with each other. As much as you want to stay in the cold parking lot holding the blonde you're reminded you're supposed to be bowling. You loosen your hold on the blonde who steps back and side to side you walk toward the entrance of the building.

Bowling is not really your thing and you're only there because your friends requested your presence. Not being one to drag the mood down, you went. Doing unwanted things is common for you.

"I'm going to get something to eat." you remark.

Your friends wave you off whilst they're laughing at Oliver who's ball keeps rolling into the gutter. Your eyes fall onto Lilly before as you head toward the snack bar. The blonde is suddenly beside you whilst you wait in a line which consists of the person ordering on the counter and yourself.

"Having fun?" she asks.

"Bowling is not really top in my favorite things to do." you reply and she nods understandingly. "You?"

"I'd have to agree with you on the bowling thing." Lilly admits.

"Let me get a large coke, chicken tenders, and mozzarella sticks." you order after approaching the counter. "You want anything?" the question is posed.

"A corndog and curly fries." she responds.

"Make that two curly fries." you tell the cashier who nods his head. Lilly's ten dollar bill is shoved away as you shake your head. "I asked you what you wanted." it was an offer to get her food.

"Thanks." she says as the trek to the pick-up counter is made.

"Any time." you're used to paying for people's meals. It's done all the time and not just for girls but for boys as well. "May I have ranch dressing?" the food is ready in less then five minutes. He places the condiment on the tray and you grab a few packs of ketchup before walking away with Lilly.

The two of you sit on the table across from each other with all the food in the middle as a gesture that means she could freely grab food off of your plate.

She accepts the invite and begins to grab a mozzarella stick. You're sharing your food with her and she isn't opposed to doing the same because she's holding her bitten corndog in front of your mouth. You take a bite and chew ever so slowly as you detect the taste of her strawberry flavored lip gloss.

Somewhere in the parking lot you sobered up. This probably happened whilst you were holding the blonde and staring into those bright blue depths that are very different from the ones you found haunting. Lilly's bright blue depths are about two shades lighter than hers. They're of a warm blue and remind you a bit of the shallow ocean waters unlike the steel blue that now haunt your dreams. They are also more expressive. It's easier for you to get lost in Lilly's eyes because that's pretty much what's been going on tonight.

"You went to a party?" Lilly asks and she's not so direct so the question she really wants to ask is answered.

"I'm not usually one to make out with random girls. That's more Jake's thing." she nods, grateful that her true inquiry received a reply. "I wish I could blame it on the alcohol but me being buzzed has nothing to do with what happened. I suppose my control has been slipping lately." is your confession. "I can't be blamed though. I'm going through quite a dry spell." a small pause is given. "It's been a year since I last got laid. I guess it's more of a drought." this is offhandedly spoken.

"Are you going to see her again?" the blonde questions after her blushing subsides.

"Hell no." is the truth which pours callously from your mouth. This came out harsher than was intended. "I mean I'll hang with her but the kissing thing was just a one-time thing." the clarification is given but it doesn't seem to suffice. "I don't really drink or engage in arbitrary make out sessions." she's listening intently. "I can have fun with or without the use of drugs and drinks." she nods her head in agreement. "I do have inhibitions but I'm not entirely controlled by them." you're explaining because you want her to know what and how you're like.

"I was wondering why you smell like alcohol and cinnamon." she remarks. "You also have a gigantic hickey on your neck." Lilly's pointing on the reddish spot. You aren't surprised.

"She was like a frigging vacuum."


	11. Chapter 11

Oliver has his laptop today because he has a power point presentation due in one of his classes. He brought just in case the school computer won't recognize the files on his flash drive. He's showing you a lip biting montage of Kristen Stewart in the movie Twilight. Now it's not really the hype that's interesting. She caught your eyes when she was in Zathura.

"Fuck…" hormones are taking over. "That's so hot."

"What is?" Lilly asks in confusion.

"Well her and the lip biting." it should have been obvious but then again the blonde is quite new to the group.

"You have a lip fetish?" Lilly asks looking with amusement sparking in her bright blue depths.

"Yeah." the breathy dreamy like tone can't be helped. "I love it when girls bite their lip." you divulge. "I also love hair flipping."

"What about when a girl licks her lip?" her question is rewarded with a glimmer of excitement seeping through your eyes.

"Hell yes." the response isn't needed but is given anyway.

"Don't forget your love for prepubescent girls." the helmet haired boy teases and a playful grin is thrown his way while your head shakes in disagreement. "She has a thing for younger girls." he informs Lilly with a taunting grin.

"Not all of them!" the weak defense is given. "I went out with that senior last year!"

"You mean made out with…" Oliver clarifies and Joannie rolls her eyes.

"In all the time I've known you, you've never been interested in someone our age." Joannie continues. It's difficult to admit but she is right. They were always a year younger, maybe more.

"I did back in middle school." that really didn't end well for the parties involved.

"Oh that's right." the other female brunette recalls. "Jake said you dated Ashley in middle school." she's looking at you expecting some sort of reaction but none is given. Instead look of disinterest however is thrown her way. Time has a way of teaching one to be collected.

On the outside anyway. Within is a different tale. There's turmoil, as if the heavens were brewing a storm. Saying that the past didn't matter, that the relationship with Ashley didn't matter would be a lie. It, she, contributed to the person you are today but it's better not to comment anything about her and the past since it's unclear whether or not Ashley would want anyone to know anyway. Besides, you're unsure what you could say on the matter.

"You've been talking to Jay?" you ask Joannie. It's a subtle change in topic. Hopefully, one that Joannie will concern herself with.

"Yeah I called him and asked him about you and Ashley." she states. What a sneaky conniving asshole. You're thankful Jake doesn't know much about what happened.

"I'm sure that's why you called." you're just an excuse to talk to her longtime crush.

"I was wondering what happened between you and Ashley since you're so clear on avoiding the matter like you're doing now." the brunette friend asserts and there's no way of deterring her focus. The Jake card was pulled and that didn't work.

She's really interested in your history with Ashley. It's unclear why. She's never been this nosy before. Maybe it's because you're being so secretive about the past. Whilst you don't share the whole story usually you give little hints and details. Joannie's always been a bit demanding but she's never been this extreme. She never goes out of her way to dig up dirt.

"I'm not avoiding anything." nothing can break through your cool demeanor.

"Right and I am a flaming lesbian." Joannie scoffs and rolls her eyes because she knows there's more to the story.

"Well my right breast and I clearly agree with that statement." your reminder is ignored pointedly.

"Jake told me that you two went out and it didn't work out so you broke up." she says, unwilling to be deterred from her current path. She clearly wants to know the reason behind the dissolution of your relationship with Ashley and it's a mystery why it matters so much to her. "So what happened?" she's never usually this pushy. She must be really curious.

"Nothing." that's such a lie.

"You were rolling with that?" Oliver's voice squeaks with disbelief. He really shouldn't be shocked that your past with Ash has never been shared.

"It was in middle school." it's said in a tone meant to convince everyone that what happened is of no consequence. You've never been thankful to hear the bell ring before. Perhaps there is a God out there.

You hop off the table and gather your belongings slowly, not wanting to seem like you're hurrying. It's important to keep the cool demeanor going so movement is made as gracious possible. With a small smile thrown to the others you leave.

Right when your head turns toward the entrance of the school you're met with the sight of jet black hair. God this school was too small. It feels very claustrophobic and that's anomalous because you're outdoors. There just isn't enough space in this world. She's looking your way with those accursed blue eyes of hers. She's staring and looking away doesn't seem to be an option because you can be rather masochistic.

There's sadness and despair. The look is easily recognized because it's the same one she always during these encounters with one another. She's still in pain. Even after all these years she's still in pain and she has every right to be. She has every right to feel whatever she's feeling.

"Yeah you're right…" Joannie's voice is dripping with sarcasm breaking the trance. "Absolutely nothing happened."

You say nothing in reply and opt to head to class. The whole encounter should be forgotten but it's difficult, impossible even, now that Ashley is back. Well she really isn't but it'll be really hard to ignore her existence if you see her almost every day.

Your ears are deafened by the sound of that erratic thumping in your chest. Its pounding reverberates through your body effectively drowning out the cafeteria clamor. You're livid. You can't believe what's happening. You can't believe that she's sitting with Ashley and Amber. Fucking Joannie just can't leave shit alone!

Sarah's talking and you're not really listening because it's another tirade about global warming. Instead your mind is fascinated with the different ways to strangle Joannie.

It's a successful attempt. No one knows that you're trying desperately to see what's been divulged. You're watching them wondering what they could possibly be talking about. They're laughter is a good indication that the past has yet to be mentioned. But knowing Joannie, sooner or later she will want to discuss the subject that seems to be nagging at her core.

A flash of blonde hair catches your attention. Lilly takes a seat at their table, next to her friend. Lilly's sitting with Joannie and showing her something from her binder.

You observe as the blonde begins conversing with the prying girl. Before long she's got Joannie's full attention and they're getting up from the table. Your gaze follows them until they leave the cafeteria. Your heart rate slowly decreases and calm is achieved for the moment because ultimately the brunette did not muster any information.

A few minutes later Joannie and Lilly show are sitting in front of you and Joannie looks highly disappointed bordering annoyed. Lilly's flashing a kind smile.

"Hey guys." Oliver greets the two girls.

"Joannie why do you look constipated?" Marissa teases.

You look at Joannie and note the rigid look on her face. She's struggling to let something out. The look on her face is identifiable. It rarely occurs so the moment should be savored.

"What do you have to say?" the blonde nudges Joannie who glares at her before turning.

"You don't have to worry…" Joannie says monotonically through gritted teeth. "I won't be prying." she rolls her eyes. "I won't be asking Ashley anything either so you can calm down." she says and you get the feeling Lilly put her up to apologizing. "I just wish you would just tell us." she grumbles as she sits. She looks much like a child who didn't get everything she wanted for Christmas.

"There's nothing much to tell." the lie is so easy to give.

"Come on that's such bullshit." Joannie remarks angrily. "I don't understand why you have to hide what happened. It's all in the past." she argues and you're staring at her in disbelief.

"You said it yourself it's all in the past so it shouldn't matter." she had no right to know.

"Obviously it matters because you wouldn't be working so hard to keep it a secret if it didn't." Joannie makes her point. "Why won't you tell us? We're your friends." is her reminder.

"If you were really my friend you'd respect my privacy." your head is held up high as you face her with a cruel look shining through your gray depths. "Not everyone can be so blasé about their business like you Joannie and if you really value our friendship you'll learn to leave shit alone." venom drips from that usually soft Southern twang. She's shocked because she's never seen you like this.

You rise and walk out of the room looking as though the confrontation did not happen. Outside you're pretty as a picture but inside you're a mess. You always are.

You head toward the bathroom and take occupant the nearest available stall. Heaviness fills the room as you continue to stand there just looking at the door, collecting yourself. The breaking point is about to be reached. After a few minutes you exit the tiny cubicle and approach the sink.

Water splashes against your face in an attempt to wake from this nightmare. That's probably the reason why she too entered the facility. You look up toward the mirror and the reflection of the girl is startling. Her eyes are hardened and her posture is rigid. She is just as surprised but she won't give you the satisfaction of seeing her flee. She stands in her place. It's more of a stand she's taking against herself. She's struggling to keep up appearances. She deserves to be shown mercy but you can't more either. You're too willing, eager even, to face punishment.

"Ash." you say her name but it doesn't sound like a greeting. Your throat's dry, that Southern drawl she used to be so fond of sounds particularly dreadful. You turn to face her because the mirror's about to melt due to the intensity of her stare.

"Miley." her lips are closed so tightly because she's struggling to keep her composure.

"I don't really know what to say…" you start and clearly it's the wrong thing to say because her brows knit and her eyes darken in anger. "I don't know how to talk to you." she has to understand how hard this is.

"You want to ask me not to say anything to Joannie." she accuses.

"No." it's not why it's so difficult to speak to her. "You have every right to tell her and anyone else you want what happened." so long as the truth comes out of her mouth it doesn't matter. "As long as that's what you want." you've said the wrong thing again because if looks could kill you'd be a bloody heap on the floor.

"So now you care about what I want?" she scoffs in disbelief.

"Ash…" you reach out to her but realize that's a bad idea because she's retreating as though you're diseased with leprosy. This should have been thought through but it's too late. You can't step away and you can't change what you've done.

"Don't." her breathing is terse and uneven. "What do you want from me?" Ashley demands with unshed tears.

Four years have passed and you're still the reason for her tears. It seems all you're capable of doing is making her cry. It's an undesired skill. It's heartbreaking because this isn't what you want.

Before you can answer the question the bell rings and Ashley wipes a fallen tear before taking her leave. Your feet seem to have a mind of their own because they take after her. You've just been doing a lot of things without thinking apparently. Logic actually takes over thankfully. You sigh and head over to your locker instead of looking for the dark haired beauty.

After finishing gathering your materials the locker is slammed shut. You are about to walk toward class but stop in mid step because you see the past you're trying to get away from standing in front of her locker. It's so close to your own. As she looks your way the realization that this school is really infinitesimal and you'd be better off stuck inside the janitor's closet the whole day doesn't escape you.

You'll pass her if that particular route is taken and turning around will let her know you're avoiding her which will in turn allow her to know that fear runs through your veins. It's a standstill.

Not knowing whether to acknowledge her presence again or avoid it is absolute murder. Well she already knows that you've seen her, are seeing her, so perhaps the best course of action is not to let her know you want to run as far away from her as possible because even if she does think the lowest of you, spineless coward shouldn't be added to that undoubtedly long list of the things she hates about you. You swallow the lump which has formed in your throat. You approach the dark haired beauty because class is in her direction.

She shoves you out of her way. There's a lock imbedded in your spine and it'll certainly leave a mark but you just stare after the beauty whilst she disappears into the crowd. It's a miracle that you make it to class. Of course what the teachers are saying isn't heard because your mind's too preoccupied. Then again it's never been a particular trait to listen during lessons.

The period ends and you're moving in turtle pace because her locker is so close that the possibility of another encounter is grand. Coming out of the class last is different because you're usually first one out the door. Fortune smiles upon you because the hall is empty. You are extremely thankful for the fact that your car is here today and Oliver doesn't need a ride home.

You're practically gunning it home because there will be solace. That's the only time you let the mask can break and between what happened with Joannie and Ashley it can't be ignored, the need to let the façade shatter.

You park in the garage and briskly walk into the house and up the stairs. It's a haven of sorts, your room. The door is locked before throwing yourself on that sizeable bed and grabbing the pillows. You sit upward and straddle the fluffy white sacks filled with cotton. You're punching imagining the fluffy thing beneath is Joannie's face. She's the one that riled you up primarily. When frustration's released it is quickly replaced by sorrow.

A vision of that heart wrenching look on Ashley's face hits. It's your fault why she's miserable. It's entirely your fault. Before the tears can come you find yourself walking toward the bathroom because it's a habit. This is what you do every time you're disheartened and in distress. It's a calming routine that was developed over the years.

The shower is on and the sound of running water fills your hearing whilst you pull open the bathroom drawer. Each item is placed accordingly on the sink.

You begin to rid yourself of your clothes inspecting your body as you do and run your fingers through your hair. Usually the act of massaging your scalp is calming but it's not doing the trick right now because all that can be felt are pain and suffering. All you can think about is the ache, the guilt, which can't be revealed.

A disconcerted you must never been seen by anyone. Everything will fall apart if it happens. The wall can't crumble. The mask must be kept in place. You have to find strength within.

You haven't cried since you were little and you're not going to start becoming a blubbering mess now. Before you know it the guilt, the sorrow, the loneliness, the anger is all pouring out into your skin and you step into the shower in order to rid yourself of the stains of emotion on your body. You're tainted now as the liquid runs through your body. You look down onto the floor and all that can be seen is red.


End file.
